How not to be a douche on FetLife

It is always my divine pleasure to present on just about any topic at MomentumCon, one of my favorite sex-positive events. It’s always chock-full of luminaries and sexy thought leaders with forward-looking ideas and insights. Great stuff!

My talk this year was a little more down and dirty. Based on the research you guys helped me conduct, I created a deck of guidelines based on the biggest complaints users made regarding sex-positive community sites such as FetLife. Without further ado, here it is: How Not to Be a Douche on FetLife.

How not to be a douche on FetLife

View more presentations from Minx M

PW 295: Geeky kink

The Geeky Kink event and more on how not to be a douche on FetLife

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download the mp3 directly

Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

4:00 Topic: The Geeky Kink event review

Christian from New Jersey reviews the Geeky Kink Event.

  • First time event; hiccups at registration, wifi issues, Friday was slow to get up and running
  • He was performer with White Elephant Burlesque  and danced to White and Nerdy!
  • Seemed open and accepting of kink, steampunk, geek, anime, leather
  • There was a bootblack brigade, Jay Wiseman, Lord Percival, Murphy Blue on shibari and connections
  • Other classes on DIY, LAN parties and clothing-optional Rock Band
  • Also had aftercare room “room of requirement”

12:10 Feedback

1.     Focus on people you feel you might have a genuine connection; don’t play the numbers.

2.     Read the profile carefully and bring up a detail in your first communication.

3.     Don’t paper the site with the same email. Don’t play the numbers.

4.     Be confident, literate, appealing and polite.

5.     Demonstrate some depth to your life in your profile.

6.     Be the interesting person you would want to receive a message from.

  • Blake changed his FetLife profile based on 292!
  • Wes from Philadelphia suggests OKC for the poly football-loving guy; Minx didn’t suggest it originally because they specifically said they’d tried it already and couldn’t find enough all-American girls next door

21:45 Correction

Thanks to David for the correction: It was Charlize Theron, not Nicole Kidman in Head in the Clouds.

22:10 Thanks

Thanks to David! And Hero Francis for the three-digit contribution this week!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

PW 292: How not to be a douche on FetLife

How not to be a giant douche on FetLife

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download the mp3 directly

Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 How not to be a douche on FetLife

Best practices for getting FetLife booty and not being pegged as a douchebag:

  1. Tell us who you are.
    • a. Complete your profile before sending messages to anyone else.
    • b. Have a profile picture that looks like you (not your cock, girlfriend, slave or favorite cartoon character, YOU.)
    • c. Include photos that are primarily of you or your work. This does not include photos of the last 20 girls that sucked your cock. It does include toys you made, pretty rope work and artistic shots of scenes that convey a strong emotion and your own personality.
    • d. List your fetishes.
  2. Pay attention. Read a person’s profile before you message him/her. If the person is smart enough to specify what he/she does and doesn’t like in terms of approach, offers and play, read and respect that. Modify your opening message accordingly.
  3. Be civil. Being confrontational and aggressive or writing in all caps doesn’t make you a hot top, and no one is falling for it. No experienced bottom will associate aggression from a stranger as hot, safe, sane or sexy.
  4. Participate. FetLife is a community. Join groups that you find interesting and participate in discussions (see #3). Show that you’re not just kinky online or in private but an active member of the local scene with other people that know and trust you.

16:15 Movie review: Head in the Clouds

Joreth reviews Head in the Clouds as a poly-friendly movie.

20:30 Feedback

  • Grace asked how to handle mundane things like chores and finances.
  • Blake wrote on episode 288 on geeks and kink in to make a correlation between a creative, open mind and sexual late-bloomers, “I think being kinky and geeky totally makes you more intelligent than the average person.”
  • Angel responded to Matt’s rant against marriage in episode 288 to clarify a personal take on marriage: “To us a wedding is a chance to celebrate your relationship publicly with other people.”

28:00 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Make a Donation

Poly Weekly Playmates!

Wanna play?
CatalystCon West '14

Poly Weekly on Facebook

Poly Weekly on Twitter