JRB, a monogamous pal of mine, was musing over the nature of flirting in her monogamous relationship. She’s completed devoted to his partner of four years, but she does enjoy a good flirt now and then. So she asks the poly audience–does that make her a little bit poly?
When we started our romantic relationship, I no longer desired romantic attachments with other people. It’s been like that for about four years now. However, that doesn’t mean I’m dead. I do enjoy flirting with attractive, interesting people. I am always clear that I am fully committed to my partner but I think that flirting with adorable people is just a bucket of fun. (By flirting I mean the verbal dance that signifies attraction) I would be very hurt if my partner became romantically attached to another person, but I certantly don’t mind if he flirts with someone else. I trust in our relationship and our communication that we both understand where the barriers are.
Here’s my question: do polyamorous people consider flirting in this manner to be poly?
What do you think? Personally, I flirted like a maniac when I was monogamous. It wasn’t because I wanted to be with anyone else; it was simply something I did that made me feel sexy and desirable. It still is, in fact. When I come back from a heavy day of wenchy, baudy flirting at a Renaissance faire, I’m always just a bit more randy for my sweetie.
I suppose I could make an argument for that being an early hint of my poly proclivities, but I tend to think of it more as an aspect of my sexual expression that happens to (harmlessly) involve other people. What do you think?