By Cunning Minx, on January 24th, 2013%
 What do you do when a partner’s jealousy destroys a relationship you have with someone else?
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
9:10 Topic: How to deal with a partner’s jealousy
L asks for advice on breaking up with someone who isn’t your primary, but Minx sees that her partner’s jealousy is the real issue and gives advice based on Franklin Veaux‘s How to Be a Secure Person:
- Letting jealousy destroy a relationship is a bad precedent. Deal with this jealousy now so you can go forth and date from a place of generosity, kindness and confidence.
- Look beneath the surface to determine what is driving your jealousy and insecurities
- Fill in these blanks: “If my lover [kisses another person in front of me], then the bad thing that will happen is ______.” “If this keeps happening, then it means ________.” “If my lover really loves this other person, then ______.”
- Practice, practice, practice! Practice being secure and coping with jealousy. It takes 21 days to create a habit, so don’t expect to dispel jealousy the first time out.
- And please, don’t date until you and your partner are both secure. It’s not fair to your new lover, who is making an emotional, psychological and maybe even sexual investment in you to be dumped due to someone else’s jealousy.
22:05 Happy Poly Moment
Brandon shares a moment of his wife and girlfriend getting along great!
23:15 Feedback: Episode 345 Poly for the Holidays
Vir writes in to remark on Sierra Black’s Huffington Post piece on making a decision about honoring her mother’s holiday wishes.
Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email?  Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on July 17th, 2012%
 What to do when your metamours get jealous of your wealth and well-hung dick
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Introduction
Under-18 warning and redirection to Scarleteen
1:00 News and host chat
- Minx and LustyGuy share the importance of owning your own poly shit.
- Minx tells about a recent instance when the usually supportive LustyGuy asked for support himself, and Minx fell short. Instead of drama ensuing, Minx took the next opportunity to look at her shit and apologize for being an insensitive jerk.
- Wanna go to Burning Man? We are raffling off a ticket in July as a fundraiser to send Minx to CatalystCon! For every $10 donation here, you’ll get one raffle entry. On July 30, we’ll draw and announce the winner of the ticket to Burning Man 2012! Void where prohibited.
10:00 Topic: Help! I’m rich with a big penis!
Cyotee calls in to ask for help: he’s rich with a big dick. What to do? Well, specifically, what to do when his metamours get jealous of his marathon lovemaking sessions and lavish trips with their sweeties? Minx and LustyGuy give advice:
- Keep in mind that anyone can have great vacation sex. The new, outside lover is often in a perpetual state of NRE or “vacation sex.”
- Don’t play the comparison game between you and your metamour, and don’t let your partners do it, either. Instead, find the joy in the moment and in each partner.
- Show that you support the existing relationship. If you don’t know, ask your metamour how to keep their relationship happy and healthy.
- Treat the relationship like a birthday party for an 8-year-old: bring a present for the birthday girl’s younger brother. Instead of buying your lover a $500 diamond necklace, buy a $250 necklace and a really nice bottle of scotch for your metamour. Let some of your love and attention for your lover spill over onto the metamour as well.
- Or when you take your lover on a vacation, invite the metamour along. Or give him tickets to an event he’ll enjoy.
25:30 Happy Poly Moment
Charles and Sarah share the story of being married for 16 years with 4 kids and opening their marriage. They starting dating a couple, uncovered emotional baggage and took a break to deal with their own baggage and insecurities.
A few comments: Remember that your first relationship is with yourself. Also, while it’s nice to want to get back together with the couple you started dating, keep in mind that personal growth and appropriate relationships should be the goal, not one relationship in particular.
32:10 Feedback
Tony is a new listener who wrote in about a 90s song that is poly-ish: Three Is Family.
35:45 Thanks
Thanks to Eynstein, Wayne and Chris for the donations this week. Woo hoo!
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on June 14th, 2011%
 Talking jealousy and the power of courage with Franklin Veaux
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
Host Chat
Musings on the ShibariCon experience and how it was the best con ever.
9:30 Topic: Jealousy and Heinlein
Tacit, host of the Xeromag poly site, discusses Heinlein and jealousy; don’t confuse the trigger for the root; expressing your needs, even when a new person comes along
- life rewards people who move in the direction of greatest courage; the rewards of a husband reaching out and talking to the wife’s new lover, who was succesfully exploring kink with her
- his new book, More Than Two, his LiveJournal is a Tacit, and his mega poly site is at Xeromag poly site; the book’s focus is on practical tools to make relationships work on a daily basis
- comments on NRE–he thinks it keeps you from getting to the good stuff and knowing who the person really is; a shared life
- Franklin long-distance relationships; his polysaturation point for non-LDR’s (three); and LDR’s requiring deliberate time versus volume of mundane time; minx comments on needing a poly sugardaddy to support her LDR habits; knowing where your boundaries are with discussing sex
- having a lover/main partner who takes it upon herself (is “proactive”) to ask about and discuss his relationships with new partners instead of waiting for him to tell her what is going on; optimism for love
38:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
By Cunning Minx, on May 23rd, 2011%
 Listener W writes in to ask: am I jealous, or is this situation unfair?
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Introduction and host chat
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:20 Topic: Am I jealous?
Wendy writes in to ask advice from the cohost team: am I jealous? She gets a certain number of hours a week with her top, and compares that to the number of hours his wife enjoys with him. She relays anecdotes of her top engaging in sex with another bottom, which was beyond the scope of their agreement, and with his wife, which was beyond her expectations. She relays a situation in which she watched the children for his and his wife’s anniversary trip, but her own collaring anniversary went unnoticed.
Is she jealous and how should she cope? Cohosts Joreth, Pepper and Franklin share insights and give advice, including making a list of the things she needs to feel secure in a relationship and how she would like for commitment to be shown.
20:40 Announcements
Poly in Pictures blog on jealousy – for a little jealousy humor
21:40 Feedback
- Musqrat comments on the Sister Wives commentary from episode 266, comparing to a sort of institutionalized D/s situation
- A caller who believes in religious polygyny makes a call for tolerance
- DDog calls in to appreciate the term “anchors” from episode 260
35:40 Thanks to Earl and John for their donations
Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
By Cunning Minx, on August 22nd, 2010%
Joreth, Pepper and Franklin discuss what’s “OK” in poly
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Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.
Announcements
- Forked Tongue novel
- Study participants 18+ willing to fill out a questionnaire and do a saliva sample contact salivaresearch@umich.edu or 734-763-7121
Topic: What’s OK in poly?
Today’s topic is courtesy of Friggin’ Limey, who wrote in with the questions:
- Is it normal, or even OK, for me to feel the need to want to see someone else whenever my wife has a date with a lover?
- When she goes on a date I do ask her if they had sex or not. Does this sound reasonable?
- And from MinVanLib on Twitter: If the root of jealousy is insecurity, does one need to end the relationship to get secure first?
Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com
Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
By Cunning Minx, on March 29th, 2010%
Went to a fantastic session last night with my awesome friend Yvonne. Babeland in Seattle was hosting the ever-articulate Tristan Taormino and her Poly 201 session on poly relationships and what makes or breaks them. My notes from the session:
- Key to dealing with NRE: patience, compassion, communication.
- Key to dealing with poly time management: organization, Google calendar, negotiation skills.
- It’s not just “you’ve got Tuesday nights;” time carries with it a tremendous emotional charge.
- Key to dealing with poly micommunication: honesty, self-awareness, and (surprise, surprise) COMMUNICATION.
- Disclose, disclose, disclose! You might not think it’s a big deal that your new girlfriend is a stripper, but your husband might.
- Keys to addressing poly agreement violation: make explicit agreement with a checklist. Make a “gray area” rule.
- Jealousy as a behavior is modeled and rewarded in our society. Too many pop culture songs, movies and TV shows make reference to someone “really” loving a partner if he/she gets jealous.
- So let’s unpack jealousy: envy, posessiveness, competitiveness, feeling excluded, insecurity.
- Re jealousy: when you think “someone is smarter than me,” you really mean “I am not smart enough”
- Solution to jealousy: face your fear. Take it out to dinner. See it for what it is.
- Harness NRE for good and not evil, knowing it will come back to your existing relationship. When your partner comes home all hopped up on endorphins, jump him!–Selfish person’s guide to NRE
By Cunning Minx, on August 17th, 2009%
This week’s Poly Weekly #210: I’m jealous of Facebook!.
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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.
Topic: Does Facebook make you jealous?
If you’re the jealous type, avoid Facebook
Full study
Feedback: Poly Weekly #206: Sanford and Sin
The Atlantic rebuttal
Salon’s response
Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com
Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”
By Cunning Minx, on April 26th, 2009%
This week’s Poly Weekly #201: would this partner make you less jealous?.
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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.
Announcements
PolyCamp Ontario is August 14-16th
Topic: Will this lover make you less jealous?
Darin provided these links:
Science Blogs commentary
Original Psychology Today article
1:35 Announcements
Minx talks about Polycamp Ontario
2:30 Today’s Topic
Minx starts by talking about an article in Psychology Today “What kind of lover should I take to make you less jealous.”
Minx talks about how men and women typically differ as far as what makes them jealous; what makes us feel threatened? Are these catagories
actually useful considering how different each of us are? Article claims if you are going to cheat, choose somebody not as good as your partner.
Minx goes through the comments and talks about what she sees.
8:56 Miss Poly Manners
Torn Between Two Lovers writes in and asks Miss Poly Manners advice on scheduling.
14:10 Feedback
14:12 Shaded wrote in and talked about what they have learned from Poly Weekly
14:58 Musqurat called in, talking about your exes.
17:40 Vincent wrote in about Episode 193
20:05 John Doe wrote in about Feast of Love unhappy about the way Minx talked about religion.
Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com
Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”
By Cunning Minx, on March 24th, 2009%
This week’s Poly Weekly #196: Jealousy roundtable.
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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.
2:00 Pre-Discussion
Minx introduces Gabriel and they have a short discussion about Conflation.
9:05 Poly Round Table from Conflation
and we begin the jealousy discussion; moving to the nature and origin of jealousy; minx takes it back to the steampunk vibrator.
22:50 Minx and Gabriel discuss what to expect on the next episode.
24:20 Listener Feedback
GeekFox comments on episode 193 that sometimes, ex’es really are just jerks.
Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com
Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”
By Cunning Minx, on February 28th, 2009%
 Sitting at Eric Francis’ Compersion Immersion seminar here at Poly Living, my first seminar of the day (had some health issues this morning).
First memorable quote of the day: “Without embracing a journey of compersion, we are lying sacks of shit.”
Definition of “compersion” (per Eric): A transient emotion that we are capable of experiencing in a specific erotic experience.
- It’s about embracing change and authenticity.
- “If you don’t experience attachment or jealousy–you’re like one of those yogis that lives in a cave and breathes once in 150 years–you’re just not that common”
- “Jealousy is the ego’s reaction to the fact that it’s being held by the short hairs over the abyss.” And its existence doesn’t really make a difference. Read more about jealousy and the abyss here.
- “There is something profoundly erotic going on every time there is a jealous episode.” Reminds me of Damn6InchHeels, who confesses she loves to be jealous; it’s an erotic experience for her.
- “Love and attachment are basically incompatible” Hmm. Not sure I agree with that. It’s human to form attachments and to bond. Possessiveness isn’t, but I think possessiveness and attachment aren’t the same thing.
- Comparing avoiding jealousy to avoiding the stall when flying a plane–when flying a stalled plane, the best fix is to point the plane towards the ground, which is the least intuitive thing. When facing jealousy, fly into the stall.
- I disagree with his definition of “attachment;” looking up the dictionary definition, which has nothing to do with not being able to live without someone or anything unnatural, unhealthy or possessive. It is simply “affectionate regard.” Trace leans over and comments that he might be using the Buddhist definition of attachment, which does in fact have a negative connotation in the sense that attachment is the source of suffering.
- Defining compersion as letting go.
- “In order to overcome jealousy, masturbate with your partner over and over again, like 5,000 times” to confirm one’s erotic definition is to oneself, not the other person. Once again I disagree (not that I’d mind masturbating 5,000 times, although my hand might get tired). I’m all about generously sharing sexual energy and self, and “maintaining one’s egoic shell” to me isn’t what love and vulnerability are about. And I also don’t believe that attachment is unhealthy; I believe it’s brave and significant to human experience.
- New classification: “I’m monogamous, but… ” (I’m cheating/unhappy/not having sex, etc.)
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What do you do when a partner’s jealousy destroys a relationship you have with someone else?
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