From Poly Living 2009: Compersion Immersion

Sitting at Eric Francis’ Compersion Immersion seminar here at Poly Living, my first seminar of the day (had some health issues this morning).

First memorable quote of the day: “Without embracing a journey of compersion, we are lying sacks of shit.”

Definition of “compersion” (per Eric): A transient emotion that we are capable of experiencing in a specific erotic experience.

  • It’s about embracing change and authenticity.
  • “If you don’t experience attachment or jealousy–you’re like one of those yogis that lives in a cave and breathes once in 150 years–you’re just not that common”
  • “Jealousy is the ego’s reaction to the fact that it’s being held by the short hairs over the abyss.” And its existence doesn’t really make a difference. Read more about jealousy and the abyss here.
  • “There is something profoundly erotic going on every time there is a jealous episode.” Reminds me of Damn6InchHeels, who confesses she loves to be jealous; it’s an erotic experience for her.
  • “Love and attachment are basically incompatible” Hmm. Not sure I agree with that. It’s human to form attachments and to bond. Possessiveness isn’t, but I think possessiveness and attachment aren’t the same thing.
  • Comparing avoiding jealousy to avoiding the stall when flying a plane–when flying a stalled plane, the best fix is to point the plane towards the ground, which is the least intuitive thing. When facing jealousy, fly into the stall.
  • I disagree with his definition of “attachment;” looking up the dictionary definition, which has nothing to do with not being able to live without someone or anything unnatural, unhealthy or possessive. It is simply “affectionate regard.” Trace leans over and comments that he might be using the Buddhist definition of attachment, which does in fact have a negative connotation in the sense that attachment is the source of suffering.
  • Defining compersion as letting go.
  • “In order to overcome jealousy, masturbate with your partner over and over again, like 5,000 times” to confirm one’s erotic definition is to oneself, not the other person. Once again I disagree (not that I’d mind masturbating 5,000 times, although my hand might get tired). I’m all about generously sharing sexual energy and self, and “maintaining one’s egoic shell” to me isn’t what love and vulnerability are about. And I also don’t believe that attachment is unhealthy; I believe it’s brave and significant to human experience.
  • New classification: “I’m monogamous, but… ” (I’m cheating/unhappy/not having sex, etc.)

Poly Weekly #151: Can you love two at once?

The new Polyamory Weekly #151: Can You Love Two at Once is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #151

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:30 Host Chat
Looking forward to Sex 2.0 conference; introducing Alan’s segment from the Poly Living conference

3:30 Topic: Can you love two at once?
This stems from a Dear Abby question from a woman who says she is in love with two people at once and wonders if that is possible–just asking the question in this way shows progress. And Abby’s response isn’t too bad–she begins by saying that you can love two people for different reasons. She then shows her monogamous bias, but the openness with which the question is addressed shows a marked difference from past responses.

7:50 Report: Poly Living Conference
Alan of the Poly in the Media blog took a voice recorder to the Poly Living conference and brought us along for the ride!
9:00 Anita Wagner discusses her workshop on jealousy; she recommends communication, education and owning one’s own jealousy
11:20 Serena Anderlini-d’Onofrio discusses her workshop on bisexuality; Alan asks about being “bisensual” or “bi-intimate” without being bisexual
14:45 Michel Z talks about being more honest in relationships and when not to be 100% honest
16:15 C.T. Butler discusses the consensus decision-making process as a formal model for decision-making within a poly family; cooperation rather than competition
18:30 Deborah Anapol, the conference’s keynote speaker, points out that we need to live outside our conditioning and take charge of our own relationship decisions
Alan applauds that Loving More stepped in to take over the conference after George Marvil’s death–quit giving to the tobacco corporations, go to PolyLiving.org for next year’s conference; check LovingMore for their east and west coast retreats in the meatime

21:15 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

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Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #133: Does jealousy equal love?

The new Polyamory Weekly #133: Does jealousy equal love? is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #133

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:30 Announcement: Many Loves workshop
This workshop and support series takes place at the Center on Halsted in Chicago, Saturday, December 8th, $15, 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. I’ll be there!

2:25 Topic: Does jealousy equal love?
Bill guest co-hosts to discuss this topic that Gafil brought up–why is it that the more deeply we love someone, the more intense the jealousy can feel? Why in our society does a lack of a jealous rage mean a lack of love?

25:10 Resource Review: Operational Intelligence
Sukima calls in a comprehensive review of Nan Wise’s Operational Intelligence in New York from November; 29:20 Trace calls in his experience of the same seminar and what he took home; if you’re in the area, be sure to check out PolyamorousNYC that meets the third Wednesday of every month

31:35 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Does jealousy equal love?

A question from Gafil that I thought I’d throw out to you guys–what do you think?

Why is it that, in our case at least, the stronger the love between us, the more intense the jealousy can be?

Why is that so often the case? Why do we associate deep love with increased jealousy?

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