Poly Weekly 258: The online kinkster

Princess Kali of The Kink Academy talks about the intersection of kink and poly online

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Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

Miss Poly Manners: Dealing with Party Invites

How do you deal with party invitations not addressed to the entire poly enclave?

Interview: Princess Kali of The Kink Academy

Teaser

  • From Poly and Single: what to do when the couple is fighting

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Lessons learned at ShibariCon

This year, ShibariCon was a fantastically exhausting experience! I almost didn’t go–too much work to do, and too many mundane tasks relating to some real estate I still own in the area. Grudgingly, I admitted that OK, I’ve committed to volunteer; of course I’ll go. But I won’t have fun.

And when I arrived, something changed. All the alienation I’d been feeling due to Seattle’s famous chilly reception melted away. It melted in the warm hugs of friends I was genuinely happy to see and who were genuinely happy to see me. For the first time in over a year, I felt like I belonged in the scene. Doubts, fears and insecurities melted away in the face of catching up with old friends and making new ones. I became the classic Minx, happy, bouncy and ready to have some fun.

I don’t want to be all cheesy and tell you not to be afraid of going to a conference alone. It still sucks to do that, and it’s still hard to try to connect with people in a weekend setting when you’re flying solo. You’ll still get turned down or blown off for scenes; I know I did and was. But my experience ended up being so deliciously positive that I want to share that joy, just in case it might inspire bravery the next time you fly solo at an event.

Stuff I Learned at ShibariCon 2010

  • I do belong here. The only one thinking otherwise was me.
  • When I am my own best self, wonderful things happen. And when I feel at home and welcomed, I am my own best self. Self-doubt is what kills the confidence, and without confidence, nothing is fun.
  • Scheduling at a con is hard/tricky. Cut yourself and your play partners some slack.
  • Don’t take it personally. Instead, find a way to take care of yourself that involves sharing your pain (and joy) with others.
  • Hide your crazy. But let little bits show in fits of controlled vulnerability. A controlled burn, if you will. :-)
  • Never compare yourself to others in any way. Instead, focus on what is making today awesome for you. If you close your eyes and feel a lack of awesome, put your finger on why, and then go ask for that.
  • Geek negotiation tip: if you’re unsure of where to start but you know you want to play, instead of asking a person for a scene or play, ask trusted friends whom they would recommend for play who might be free tonight.
  • Give your cell phone # to hot guys/girls so they can text you. (Outside the con space, of course)
  • Love yourself. Love your kink. Be fascinated by others’ kink.

All of this has me thinking about teaching a ShibariCon for Newbies/Solos class next year, with specific activities designed to help people check their emotional baggage at the door and have the confidence to have fun. Wouldn’t that be a GREAT way to start a con?

Poly Weekly 230: Poly and Kink

Download the mp3 directly

Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Cohosts

Franklin Veaux
Pepper Mint

Announcements

Topic: how do poly and kink mix?
Sarah wrote in to ask how the egalitarian poly aspect mixes with more ostensibly hierarchical BDSM and its focus on power exchange. Such a nice, juicy topic!

Feedback
Annie shares definitions of polyamory, philosophically poly and practicing polyamorous; Mus Q Rat writes in to correct origin story of “polyamory” (vs. “polyamorous”); Arioch compliments episode 226 on finding a partner

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

The Lost Generation Munch meets next TUESDAY, Nov. 18th, 6:00 p.m.

Kinky or kink-curious? Wanna sit on Minx’s lap? Or just wanna grab a drink and be around cool, crazy cats?

Come on out to the Lost Generation munch!

When: Tuesday, Nov. 18th, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Where: Avenue Ale House, 825 S Oak Park Ave, Oak Park, IL 60304, street/meter parking available, 2 blocks west of the Blue Line Oak Park stop, 8 blocks south of the Green Line Oak Park stop
Why: to meet, eat, drink and chat with other kinksters, aged 18-85

We’ll be in the back; just ask for “TLGC” at the hostess desk, and she’ll bring you right back to us. Please RSVP so I have an idea of how many tables to push together, and please feel free to cross-post!

Poly Weekly #129: A Year and a Half In

The new Polyamory Weekly #129: A Year and a Half In is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #129

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

2:00 Interview: Max and Lorelei
Warning: this interview entails descriptions of a D/s relationship
Max and a naked Lorelei share with a naked Minx how they met; Lorelei shares how she found a place in an already busy poly household, which includes Mistress Matisse and Twisted Monk as well. Lorelei shares how they met and became Max’s service submissive in the household; 13:00 they address the “ripples” or adjustments that had to be made in the existing household to make room for Lorelei; 15:30 Max discusses that his new relationship was more threatening to his secondary partners than to Matisse because they felt they had less stability; time management; the No-Surprises rule; 22:40 Lorelei addresses the state of her current poly and how not bottoming to others for a while has expanded some of her BDSM skills; the value of having a supportive metamour like Mistress Matisse

29:00 Wrap-up
Thanks again to Max and Matisse for their hospitality; also to Monk and Freudian_slip for their hospitality as well!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

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