The fuzzy landmines and invisible fences that new partners run across
Introduction Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Announcements and Host Chat
- Bawdy Storytelling: Strange Bedfellows is coming to Seattle October 3 at 8:00 Rebar!
- I’ll be at CatalystCon September 12-14 doing the opening keynote, moderating a panel on marketing for sex positive educators, signing copies of 8 Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory and doing a live PW cast with Reid Mihalko and Charlie Glickman!
4:15 Topic: Fuzzy landmines and invisible fences
This topic is based on a blog post on the Solo Poly blog by Aggie Sez: Invisible fences and fuzzy landmines. Something that the solo polyamorist or the poly person entering a poly relationship has to deal with, the ramifications of which couples often are unaware: fuzzy landmines and invisible fences. A few highlights:
- There is no alternative to being self-aware and owning your own shit. No emotional outsourcing.
- Invisible fences: unstated boundaries or rules in relationships that a new partner only discovers when tripping over them.
- Fuzzy landmines: rules and boundaries that are only stated in deliberately vague terms that serve as an excuse to end the relationship when someone in the original couple freaks out.
And one more question: how can you tell the difference between a couple making a genuine effort to be open and own their own shit and a couple that is not devoted to working on their own issues and relationship mechanics?
- Does everyone involved self-identify as poly? How secure is each person in that identity?
- Do the people in the couple talk to each other honestly?
- Do they own their own shit?
- Does their behavior match the walk they talk about each other?
- Are their dialogue and behavior towards you aligned? Do they do what they say they will do?
- How willing is the couple to hear your concerns as valid (rather than as a threat or unreasonable request)?
- Jen wrote in about episode 398 on mono-poly relationships and how she appreciated the POV of someone outside the couple
- George wrote in on episode 398’s Happy Poly Moment
23:30 Happy Poly Moment
S wrote in with a HPM of the week!
28:30 Wrap up
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