PW 347: How being kinky prepared me to be poly

How does BDSM prepare one for polyamory? Lily Lloyd explains.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download the mp3 directly

1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Heading out to hit the Portland strip clubs for my birthday; will report back next week!

2:00 Topic: How being kinky prepared me to be poly

Lily Lloyd, guest poster on kink on the SoloPoly blog,and author of the Black Leather Belt blog and the Black Leather Belt book, shares insights on best practices for kink that serve poly well:

  1. Frank and ongoing discussions about sex (before it’s a problem)
  2. The practice of aftercare: dealing with unexpected, strong emotional reactions while staying calm and staying until the partner is okay
  3. “Equal” isn’t necessarily fair. In kink, it’s assumed that everyone will have different tastes, kinks and limits, and reciprocity isn’t assumed or necessary.

27:00 Feedback: Episode 344 Consent Is Sexy

  • Week BiWeek felt the casual tone LustyGuy and I took for the Consent Is Sexy episode was inappropriate to the seriousness of the topic.
  • Edward, a self-named ” 55-yo, cigar smoking, martini-drinking, Republican-voting, $5,000 suit wearing Wall Streeter and military consultant,” writes in to say that sleep sex is never appropriate without consent and also that hearing a verbal affirmation that a woman wants him is indeed sexy
  • Vir writes in to say that Alyssa’s original article was indeed a rape apology: “I think that what she did in her article was make excuses for rape. She did call him a rapist and she did convince him that he was a rapist. But because he was a friend, she didn’t want it to be all his fault and so she tried to blame the wider community for not training men better not to rape. That right there is aiding and abetting ‘rape culture’ if not, strictly, engaging in ‘rape apology.'”
  • Amos is a new listener who finds that the advice on the podcast applies to those outside poly as well.

40:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Make a Donation

Poly Weekly Playmates!

Wanna play?
CatalystCon West '15

Poly Weekly on Facebook

Poly Weekly on Twitter