PW 486: Introverts, extroverts and anxiety

39091910 - side profile stressed young businessman sitting outside corporate office holding head with hands looking down. negative human emotion facial expression feelings.

How do you deal with introversion, self-care and anxiety in poly?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Announcements and host chat

1:30 Poly in the News

Books about loving everybody

4:00 Topic: Dealing with introverts, extroverts and anxiety in polyamory

A listener writes in to ask about how to find personal space and time for self-care when in a poly situation, particularly a living situation. Is there a tip for dealing with personal space, introversion, self-care and anxiety in poly?

  • You can decide what is ethical and happy- and healthy-making for you
  • If what you really want is more sex with your wife, having sex with someone else won’t help. But if you have desires that you can happily fulfill elsewhere, go to it!

15:00 Feedback

  • School psychologist sounds off on how to support a survivor of abuse in episode 448
  • A listener writes in to ask if mono-poly (due to his wife identifying as a gray asexual) can work
  • New poly word from R: “consolidate,” when several partners agree to go on a date together for efficiency

27:15 Happy Poly Moment

L is a therapist in a conservative state who was afraid to come out as poly at work—before hearing the other therapists talk about how they prefer poly patients, since it’s easier to get them to listen to each other than mono folks!

29:00 Thank you!

Thanks to Rob for the donation!

30:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 475: When hierarchies collide

What to do when your hierarchy gets in the way of your actual relationships14341341_s

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

Poly book review: Dragongirl

5:00 Poly in the News

Super cool poly 101 video being distributed
Poly living and cohabitation recriminalized in Utah court ruling

10:45 Topic: When hierarchies collide

S is new to poly and started dating one guy, Matt, who wanted a primary + more structure (he’s divorced with kids and anti-marriage). Then she started dating Luke, who is unmarried and wants to be married. So Matt rushed off to find himself a fresh, new primary as she contemplates marriage to Luke.

Any advice on dealing with hierarchies when they aren’t serving anyone well?

20:50 Feedback

Grant writes in to ask when to share his user manual in the dating process

27:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@gmail.com!

PW 336: Moving out without moving on

Can you maintain a relationship while changing the cohabitation situation?

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2:00 News and host chat

  • LustyGuy cohosts
  • Psychology Today reporting on a University of Michigan study that showed that people perceive nonmonogamists to have more negative traits, including paying taxes late and flossing, as well as being more sexually risky. A previous study showed that consensual nonmonogamists practice less risky sexual behavior and are more likely to get tested and use condoms.
  • A new site for HSV and HPV positives, Love H Style
  • The Drama Reduction Act

12:00 Moving Out Without Moving On

Vicky writes in to ask how to maintain a relationship when the living situation isn’t working out. Can primaries move out and still keep up a healthy relationship?

20:00 Listener Feedback

Thanks

Thanks to Jeff and Aggie for their donations!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


PW 271: The secondary blues

The secondary blues

From listener Amy: how do you deal with being a secondary when you long for primary benefits?

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Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Book review: Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

  • Kurt reviews poly themes and relationships in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series

Advice from the crew: what if you’re secondary but don’t want to be?

What if you long to be a live-in primary, but metamours or partners are putting on the brakes? Cohosts Franklin Veaux, Joreth and Pepper give advice to listener Amy.

Thank you

Frances, Paul and Tofa for donations! You rock my world and help cover bandwidth and travel expenses.

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Living apart together

This article on a couple who are married with kids but who have different homes a la Diego Rivera and Frieda Kahlo are a new statistic: the bands of couples who choose to “live apart together” for various reasons.

As I read the article, their obstacles don’t seem all that insurmountable–different tastes in decorating styles, music, noise level, cleanliness. Frankly, it sounds to me like the types of differences couples and triads and quads have dealt with for ages.

But I think I missed the point on the first read. Remember what we’ve been talking about lately on Poly Weekly about construction our relationships and civil and emotional unions deliberately? That’s exactly what this couple did–sure, they probably could have smoothed out all the wrinkled and lived together, but why? Because everyone else does? Because it’s expected? Because that’s what married people do–share bathrooms and toothbrushes and complain about leaving the toilet seat up or down?

Good for them. Good for them for looking at marriage and a living arrangement as a choice rather than a given and actually deciding what works for them.

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