How a monogamous person copes with a poly relationship
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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat
- We’re teaching 8 Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory August 21 in Seattle
1:53 Topic: How does a monogamous person adjust to polyamory?
- Take your time It’s OK to take your time exploring polyamory. You don’t have to do everything all at once TODAY. Give yourself time to find your self-identity.
- Take care of yourself Avoid “shoulding” all over yourself. “Should” is the enemy of happy. It’s OK to experience negative emotions.
LustyGuy has advice on dealing with specific events and using a three-step process to deal with tough events:
- Discuss Before the event, do a check-in with your partner to go over how you feel about your relationship—good stuff that has happened, things you’re both working on, appreciate any recent affection/chores, etc. Confirm the love!
- Distract During the event, distract yourself! Have a night with your friends, watch bad TV, get a massage. Have fun while the tough event is going on!
- Do After the event, do a check in with your partner and demonstrate that you still love each other after the event. Breakfast in bed, do each other—whatever will help you to bond and come back together.
- Request behaviors And remember that in discussions, focus on specific behaviors rather than vague emotional states. Rather than saying “I need to be the primary,” for example, you might ask that you get regular Friday night dates, morning sex or sappy, sexy text messages.
- Write your user manual And of course, write your own user manual!
- Lather, rinse, repeat Repeat the thing you have difficulty with to help develop your coping mechanisms. Just do it! (And then do it again and again!)
- Be aware of warning signs If you’re resorting to alcohol, drugs or dangerous behavior in order to deal with polyamory, this may not be the lifestyle for you. It’s OK not to be polyamorous; please take care of yourself first.
- Get a support network Find online or real-life communities who have been through this before and gather a social support network, even if you self-identify as monogamous
23:45 Happy Poly Moment
Derek writes in about finding his local poly community in Tulsa, OK!
25:20 Wrap up
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