PW 398: Poly-mono mix

Monogamy_Cabernet_SauvignonHow a monogamous person copes with a poly relationship 

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Introduction Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

1:53 Topic: How does a monogamous person adjust to polyamory?

  • Take your time It’s OK to take your time exploring polyamory. You don’t have to do everything all at once TODAY. Give yourself time to find your self-identity.
  • Take care of yourself Avoid “shoulding” all over yourself. “Should” is the enemy of happy. It’s OK to experience negative emotions.

LustyGuy has advice on dealing with specific events and using a three-step process to deal with tough events:

  1. Discuss Before the event, do a check-in with your partner to go over how you feel about your relationship—good stuff that has happened, things you’re both working on, appreciate any recent affection/chores, etc. Confirm the love!
  2. Distract During the event, distract yourself! Have a night with your friends, watch bad TV, get a massage. Have fun while the tough event is going on!
  3. Do After the event, do a check in with your partner and demonstrate that you still love each other after the event. Breakfast in bed, do each other—whatever will help you to bond and come back together.

More tips:

  • Request behaviors And remember that in discussions, focus on specific behaviors rather than vague emotional states. Rather than saying “I need to be the primary,” for example, you might ask that you get regular Friday night dates, morning sex or sappy, sexy text messages.
  • Write your user manual And of course, write your own user manual!
  • Lather, rinse, repeat Repeat the thing you have difficulty with to help develop your coping mechanisms. Just do it! (And then do it again and again!)
  • Be aware of warning signs If you’re resorting to alcohol, drugs or dangerous behavior in order to deal with polyamory, this may not be the lifestyle for you. It’s OK not to be polyamorous; please take care of yourself first.
  • Get a support network Find online or real-life communities who have been through this before and gather a social support network, even if you self-identify as monogamous

23:45 Happy Poly Moment

Derek writes in about finding his local poly community in Tulsa, OK!

25:20 Wrap up

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Poly Weekly 264: Wait; we’re monogamous?

How often do couples have differing, undiscussed ideas about monogamy?

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Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

    • Sinplex Weekend, February 18-20 in Seattle
    • Atlanta Poly Weekend, March 25-27, Atlanta
    • MomentumCon, April 1-3, Washington, D.C. My sessions: Podcasting: Marketing, Mojo and Monetization; Personal Branding for the Sex-Positive Activist
    • Kinkfest, March 18-20, Portland, OR
    • ShibariCon, May 27-20, Chicago, IL. My session: Shibaricon for newbies, introverts and less-than-100%-brave: how to get the most out of your ShibariCon experience

    Topic: Wait; we’re monogamous?

    This study reported on the results from Oregon University’s study of 434 heterosexual married and non-married couples, aged 18 to 25. In 40% of those couples, one partner said the couple had agreed to be monogamous while the other partner said there was no such deal!

    Advice: Should I be poly?

    After losing his wife to his best friend and acknowledging he is comfortable with swinging, Tony asks if he should be poly.

    Book review: Love You Two by Kurt

      Wrap-up
      Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

      Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

      Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

      Poly Weekly 259: Mo and the Magic Banana

      Mollena Williams, monogamous-identified kinktastic chick, talks about entering a poly BDSM arrangement

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      Introduction and host chat

      Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

      Announcements

      Interview: Mollena Williams, the Perverted Negress

      • Are you poly-identified? Why or why not?
      • How did an emotionally monogamous person gel with entering a poly BDSM, cross-country arrangement?
      • Why is this banana magic?
      • The importance of metamours
      • Visit Mo and her mojo at her site

        Wrap-up
        Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

        Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

        Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

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