Marcia Baczynski and Minx at CatalystCon West 2013
How to avoid the classic mistakes couples make when trying nonmonogamy
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1:00 Host chat
Nothing to see here; move along!
2:00 Interview: Four mistakes couples make when opening up with Marcia Baczynski
Thanks to Marcia for sharing with us these four tips! Where to find Marcia:
And here we go! The classic mistakes:
- Not knowing what you want. Poly may mean different things to different folks. Take the time to talk about what you want and direct the picture in your head; this also means you develop terminology for future discussions. It’s also useful to take stock of your current relationship.
- Going too fast. Many couples move way too fast, and a few move too slowly. Find your comfortable pace. This isn’t about restrictions; it’s about taking the time to enjoy experience, as with any romance. Enjoy the journey! Take the time to find your comfort zone rather than diving in headfirst.
- Avoiding jealousy. Don’t ignore the truth of negative emotions because you think it makes you a bad poly person. That only leads to uncomfortable situations. No one is too “good” to be jealous. Just admit and deal with your jealousy.
- Trying to be the perfect poly person. Feeling that you have to be perfect either for your partner or to prove that poly was a good choice for you are both self-destructive beliefs to hold. Nothing beats admitting your emotions. Practice some tough love on yourself! No one was perfect at poly the first (or even the last) time they tried it. Be willing to be vulnerable.
35:20 Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email email@example.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
Marcia Baczynski of Successful Nonmonogamy
What four things do you need to evaluate before opening your relationship?
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1:00 News and host chat
8:00 Sex for your earbuds
Sex Nerd Sandra podcast
11:00 Successful Nonmonogamy
Marciz Baczynski is hosting a series of ongoing classes and coaching for those entering their first non-monogamous relationship. Because one book and a friend or two isn’t enough; we need ongoing support to keep drama to a minimum! Visit her site to get her free ebook and read her blog.
38:00 Happy Poly Moment
A great story of finding a good spiritual home that welcomes leather lesbian nonmonogamists.
Thanks to Toma and Hayley for their donations!
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email firstname.lastname@example.org or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
Rose Crompton of Vibrations Direct asked about poly, podcasting and my favorite sex toys. It was a fun interview and ended with my best advice for those approaching nonmonogamy for the first time.
Read the full interview here
Giving poly a go? My top tips for poly newbies:
Be prepared to meet parts of yourself you didn’t know about. You will find insecurities you didn’t know were there, and you’ll experience joy in ways you never knew you could.
Be patient with yourself and your partner(s). Remember your first attempts at monogamy weren’t perfect, either.
Worry less about rules and more about what you have to offer. As with monogamous dating, people with lots of rules and criteria rarely find what they seek, and those who are open-minded and easygoing find unexpected pleasures.
Own your shit – by this I mean baggage. If you’re not strong enough to say, “I was wrong,” “I need to bring something up” or “my last STI test came up positive,” you aren’t ready for poly. Being confident enough to own your own baggage and brave enough to start tough conversations is essential.
Start from a healthy place. Get your existing relationships healthy first. The ‘relationship broken; add more people’ model almost never works. You will have to trust your partner to tell you when you’re love-goggling, when he’s feeling jealous and when you aren’t pulling your weight.
Get a support network. Seek out local communities of real people who have real-life experience with polyamory and its ups and downs; having trusted contacts who’ve been there and can provide advice and a sympathetic ear is invaluable.
Read the full interview here.
What do you think of Dan Savage’s NYT article on non-monogamy?
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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
2:45 Book review
PW book reviewer Kurt review’s Kathy Labriola’s Love in Abudance, a Counselor’s Guide to Opening Relationships The book deals with poly effects on current relationships, including dealing with demotion, displacement and intrusion.
8:20 Poly movie review: La Belle Epoque
PW film reviewer Joreth reviews the 1992 Spanish poly-ish film, la Belle Epoque.
15:30 Topic: Dan Savage’s take on infidelity
Discussing the huge, seven-page article in the New York Times exploring Dan Savage’s take on infidelity and the role it plays in keeping monogamous relationships together.
- John from Lacy responds to 276, “Okay” is a four-letter word, claiming responsibility for communication falls on all parties
- Emily calls in from a smallish Midwestern college town and asks about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in her relationship. If she isn’t comfortable with it, what should she do?
Josh calls in to muse on the question of why we get married to begin with. What is your reason?
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email email@example.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
What a great pleasure to spend the better part of Friday with the lovely and whipsmart Tristan Taormino and Colten. (I want my own Colten–can I have one? Please, please, please?) Full photo set is posted to my Flickr, but a few choice shots here:
Lunch after the interview:
The reading at Women and Children First:
The crowd at Women and Children First:
For more info and to discuss the book, visit her blog and forums at www.openingup.net
Hello, all! If you haven’t already had the chance to hear Tristan Taormino speak on her book tour, go ahead and get a copy for yourself to discuss with your partner(s) and friends. It’s unlike any other book on poly to date. Instead of sharing personal anecdotes and experiences, Tristan based the book on interviews with over 120 people of all orientations and relationship styles in order to easily lay out the non-monogamy options and choices available to you today.
The book reads more like a textbook than a self-help book, with tons of information on how and why you might choose each type of non-monogamy. Tristan also devotes time to subjects other books haven’t covered in detail, such as being a solo polyamorist and choosing a mono-poly combination for your relationship. I can’t wait to discuss this with the PW book club!
If you’d like to read and discuss this book, we’re going to try an online Poly Weekly book club discussion on Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 p.m. Central. Save the date; more details later. Click here to order your copy!
Hey, guys! I’m finally getting out and hosting some workshops on poly at A Woman’s Touch, an excellent sex-positive store in both Madison and Milwaukee. If you’re in the area, please come out and join in the discussion!
Date and Time: Saturday, Feb 23rd, 12:00 – 1:30 PM
Cost: $35.00 per person
Open marriage, swinging, polyamory, oh, my! These days, more and more couples are choosing nonmonogamy for their own intimate relationships. But the path from monogamy to an open marriage, a swinger lifestyle or polyamory can be a tricky one if you’re not aware of the pitfalls you might hit along the way and the discussions that you and your partner need to have in order to avoid them. Plus, those Hot Bi Babes are just a myth, anyway–like unicorns. So forget the unicorns and join Minx for a fun and frank discussion of how to negotiate new boundaries–and discover the joy and intimacy nonmonogamy can bring to your existing relationship. Register here!
Date and Time: Wednesday, March 19th, 6:00-7:30 p.m.
Cost: $35.00 per person