PW 363: New to poly; same old drama

How does a poly and kink newbie handle dating a monogamous submissive?

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1:00 Host chat

LustyGuy cohosts! And for some reason, we start talking about anal dildos.

2:00 Topic: I’m new to poly and kink and trying to date a monogamous partner covertly

Jason writes in to ask advice. He’s new to both poly and kink. He’s in love with a new married partner who identifies as monogamous, sees him without her husband’s consent and claims to no longer love her husband.

Minx mentions NLE = New Lifestyle Energy. The pull and power of the first poly and/or kink relationship can be exhilarating and overwhelming… and can lead to some bad decisions.

19:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Poly Weekly 226: How to choose a partner

Poly Weekly #226: How to choose a poly partner direct download

Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Co hosts

Joreth
Pepper
Franklin

Announcements

Jade Gate Studio in Portland, OR is hosting a Year of the White Tiger erotic art show and after party, 6:00 p.m.-2:00 a.m., Saturday, Feb. 13th, FetLife event announcement

Topic: How do you choose a poly partner?

Joreth, Pepper, Franklin and Minx discuss the two aspects of this question: how do you find, meet and get to know partners, and how do you vet them? Joe, Brendan, Polina and Jessica commented via Facebook that they simply run into people in everyday life, often when they are not looking, and get to know people that they like and who treat them well.

Jeff asks for feedback via Facebook on a situation in which he made first physical contact (holding hands) with a new partner in his current partner’s presence, which led to a fight.

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly #147: Listener Feedback

The new Polyamory Weekly #147: Listener Feedback is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #147

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:10 Announcements

6:20 Listener Feedback
Jamie gives feedback on the roundtable discussion from Conflation–how a girl he flirted with online was all sexy and hot until he mentioned that he let his wife know about their flirtation, which in her mind made the exchange a “sick game”
10:15 Kevin wrote in about #139 and how to get over a breakup using meditation and new, healing experiences
13:35 DJ Kiltman comments on episode 143 and his own blinding experience with NRE
16:40 Savanni commented on Dorkus’ comment during the Conflation roundtable on polyamory being at least a little bit about the sex–when she was monogamous, she had intimate cuddle friends; they just made the decision to be sexually nonexclusive
18:40 Amul calls in offering to create holiday cards for polys
21:10 R wrote in to offer a poem to share what one can really offer (vs. eternal love)
22:45 Closing off comments on the you’re fat! discussion

24:05 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #137: Ten Poly Vocab Words You Need to Know

The new Polyamory Weekly #1367: Ten Poly Vocab Words You Need to Know is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #137

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:30 Announcement: Chicago Poly Book Club
This is the Poly Book Club, a fun discussion group for anyone who’s been *meaning* to read those books on poly but hasn’t quite got around to it. Or for those who read the books but didn’t have anyone like-minded to discuss the more interesting questions with!

Our first book will be one I’ve been dying to read, Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful, by Anthony Ravenscroft.

Other details:

When: Wednesday, January 30th, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Where: The Center on Halsted lobby/social area (by the fireplace), 3656 North Halsted Street
What: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful discussion
Why: ‘cuz it’ll be fun!

I’ll post again as we get closer to the date, but please do RSVP if you’d like to attend so that I’ll know how many folks to expect. You don’t have to have read the book to attend–you can just join in the discussion and meet poly folks, anyway!

Want to join in the discussion but aren’t in Chicago? Log on to the Poly Weekly Book Club Skypecast on Saturday, January 26th at 1:00 p.m.

3:00 Topic: Ten Poly Vocab Words You Need to Know
Think you know what “polyamory,” “primary/secondary/tertiary,” “NRE,” “monoamorous,” “monogamist,” “nonintimate sex,” “Vee,” “sweetie,” “significant other,” “HBB,” and “love-type thing” mean? Minx discusses Ravenscroft’s definitions of these terms from his book.

11:30 Poly in the Media
Alan’s new roundup of Polyamory in the News, including:

16:50 Feedback
Nobilis comments that he was bothered by Alan’s last Poly in the Media segment; Alan writes in an apology for the confusion and that any insult to monogamous folks was unintentional

18:45 Feedback and New Topics
DDog asks about a potential new topic: can poly people have foster kids?; Serena asks about how to meet poly people and if you’re “really” poly if you’re single–how do you meet poly people?; Poly Weekly episodes 103 and 104 did cover being poly and single, but if you have advice on where to meet people, please call in!

25:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Poly Weekly #136: You’re Poly–But None of Your Friends Are!

The new Polyamory Weekly #136: You’re Poly–But None of Your Friends Are! is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #136

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

2:30 Announcement: Chicago Poly Book Club
This is the Poly Book Club, a fun discussion group for anyone who’s been *meaning* to read those books on poly but hasn’t quite got around to it. Or for those who read the books but didn’t have anyone like-minded to discuss the more interesting questions with!

Our first book will be one I’ve been dying to read, Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful, by Anthony Ravenscroft.

Other details:

When: Wednesday, January 30th, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Where: The Center on Halsted lobby/social area (by the fireplace), 3656 North Halsted Street
What: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful discussion
Why: ‘cuz it’ll be fun!

I’ll post again as we get closer to the date, but please do RSVP if you’d like to attend so that I’ll know how many folks to expect. You don’t have to have read the book to attend–you can just join in the discussion and meet poly folks, anyway!

Want to join in the discussion but aren’t in Chicago? Log on to the Poly Weekly Book Club Skypecast on Saturday, January 26th at 1:00 p.m. Link to come (it’s too far in advance to post it now, but soon!).

5:25 Topic: What do you do if you’re poly but none of your friends are?
C writes in to ask how to share NRE with no poly friends, and another listener writes in asking how to get support from poly friends. Check out the KAP list for poly-friendly therapists.

15:30 Feedback
OgreCraig sends holiday greetings

16:00 Topic: Second-generation polys
Serena calls in to bring up the topic of grown adult children of poly households–are they scarred for life?

20:45 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Can NRE be Zen?

At first glance, I really liked this post about the Zen of attraction. As I read the ten principles to the Zen of attraction, I thought, “Wow! This would be a great way to decrease drama in my life! If I could only do this, then my relationships would be so much easier!”

I still think it bears reading and a good “hmmmm.” But as I thought about it, especially in consideration of Helen Fisher’s Why We Love, which explains the chemistry actually going on in your brain when you are attracted to someone, I don’t think that a Zen approach to NRE (New Relationship Energy, for those not lucky enough to have experienced it recently) is all that realistic. Thing is, when we are experiencing attraction, our brain chemistry is different. New lovers experience high levels of chemicals that allow them to do things like stay up all night, pass sleepless nights thinking of one another and talk incessantly. I’m not saying that that type of chemistry can’t be fought or controlled, but my question is: is it very Zen to do so? We only get NRE for a short while, and then our brain stabilizes (thank goodness; how many nights can you really stay awake mooning over a new lover?) and returns to a more sustainable level of intimacy. Being Zen about a new attraction–promising, offering, needing nothing–doesn’t really seem to respect the chemistry of the brain.

Now, I’m not saying that we should just all go hog-wild and give in to the glorious thrill that is NRE. I’ve seen many a relationship destroyed by a partner who got too embroiled in NRE and neglected his other partners or her other obligations in life. And I actually think it’s a good idea not to make promises or raise expectations too high and just accept and enjoy the moment, whatever that may be. Perhaps I’m suggesting a balance between complete Zen calm and the silly unreasonableness of NRE. What do you think?

Poly Weekly #128: Free Gift with New Purchase!

The new Polyamory Weekly #128: Free Gift with New Purchase! is up! Direct download is here.

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:20 Announcements

  • Check out the new LiveJournal community, Poly_german for German-speaking polys
  • Loving More is hosting a one-day hotel seminar on November 3rd at the Clarion Airport in the Bay Area

3:30 Topic: Free Gift with New Purchase
Minx and Steve Eley discuss the idea of free gift with new purchase. You know, that great bonus gift you get when companies are trying to woo you–free cosmetic bag, cheap cable, low introductory interest rates on your credit card? How about not treating your old partner like your credit card company treats you–great stuff when you first sign up, but nothing special after they’ve “got” you. How about a reward for loyal, existing customers? How come just the new, NRE relationship gets all the goodies? Steve shares how he rewards his wife with bonus stuff when he starts a new relationship with someone else. In short, here’s how to keep your existing partner from feeling like and old cable customer while your new partner gets all the goodies. And Chore Wars? Yeah.

22:30 Listener Feedback: the Four-Year Itch
Grizzly audio comments that the first four are the basis relationship and the next two are to see if it will work after; Minx comments that it should be about making a deliberate relationship choice instead of “forever” being the default; Steve says there should always be a check-in feature to relationships; Laura asks why get married at all then?; Minx rants that there are many things that are worth enjoying in life that don’t last forever, including:

  1. Your childhood
  2. Your grandmother
  3. Christmas dinner with your family
  4. That great pizza you had last night
  5. Firefly
  6. The New York Marathon
  7. Mardi Gras
  8. The first snowfall of the year
  9. Flowers
  10. Boobs

38:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

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