Adding a third without making a third wheel
How do you open up a couple? Advice on how to welcome a third from a HBB
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1:00 News and host chat
- Congratulations to our Burning Man ticket winner!
- Thanks to M, Christopher, Eynstein, Wayne, Elijah, Marshall, Ioana, Devon, Jessica, Karl, Scott, Jason, Lee, Greg, Cornelius, Damita for their donation during the Burning Man fundraiser
5:00 Topic: From two to three
Advice to couples on opening up their relationship from a HBB: what to do and what not to do. Full blog post here.
- Instead of considering only protective measures, consider what you have to offer and how you can welcome a third and make him/her feel as loved as you are
- Try this exercise: how would you feel if you were welcoming a child into your relationship? Approach a new lover with that same sense of joy, sharing and hope.
- A few don’t’s: don’t allow veto power, ignore metamour communication, say there is no hierarchy if there is. Don’t have the point of the vee moderate communication.
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email email@example.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
The state of poly in the media in 2011: a chat with Alan, content curator extraordinaire of the Poly in the Media blog
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Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.
Interview: Alan of Poly in the Media
At Atlanta Poly Weekend, a chat with Alan of the Poly in the Media blog. Alan covers the significant stories of the last five years, trends in current reporting on poly, and the newest poly books.
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email firstname.lastname@example.org or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Poly Weekly #167: Real people open up
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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.
(This episode was a bit difficult to timecode. People didn’t keep repeating their names so I wasn’t able to always tell who was who. I did what I can. -FS)
4:20 This weeks subject for the online book review. “The Myth Of MOnogamy”
6:15 Minx starts by asking everybody if they have read the book. Tom and Eros both participated in the discussion.
6:43 Minx asks, what things really grabbed them. Eros commented on how specific the conversation needs to be on sex and love.
8:00 Minx points out that her and a previous partner had different ideas of what “sex” and “scening” was. Communication would have brought this out.
9:10 Tom agrees and talks about his relationship and how his partner and him come from different backgrounds.
10:30 Tom and Minx discuss different meanings of “sex.”
12:10 Tom points out that he is mainly mono in his relationship from laziness!
12:48 Greg has also joined us from text.
13:00 Minx asks if any other revelations from the book. Eros talks about the meaning of “polyamory”
14:50 (I think this is Tom) brings up when your partner ends up with somebody you don’t think they should be with.
16:30 Minx asks Tom how the book helped him in that scenario.
18:00 The discussion moves to dealing with your partners when they start to make mistakes and how to deal with them.
19:20 Minx quotes from the section of the book on the kind of people to look for and talks about it.
20:07 Eros thinks you have a responsbility to say something to your partner if they are making a mistake but don’t badger them. He brings up an example in his own life.
22:00 (I am not sure who this is, Tom I think) talks about the unique experience of being poly where you might have to help your partner with comfort on the loss o a lover.
23:40 (I think Tom’s) wife loved the book.
24:20 Minx comments the section on sexual health and safer sex practices and how much she likes it.
27:00 it’s hot in chicago!
27:00 Minx brings up the chapter on common challenges and problems. Eros references back to the interview with Tacit to talk about NRE (New RElationship Energy).
29:00 Minx talks about her opinion on NRE using some excerpts from the book.
31:09 Eros asks if there is a way to tell when the NRE falls off.
32:10 Minx brings up other common problems from this chapter and asks for opinions.
33:10 Eros brings up time management and the group disucsses this topic.
36:50 (Eros I think) brings up three different definitions of love from the book and Minx adds to this discussion.
39:35 Eros felt the book made sense to him.
40:18 Eros is working through fluid bonding issues which starts a discussion.
Thanks to Tom and Eros for working on the announcing themselves.
- CPR for kinky people, Saturday, September 13, 2008, 10 am-6pm, Leather Archives & Museum, $90; Contact Descara: email@example.com
- Meet and Greet, October 4th, Maryborough, Queensland, Australia
Online Book Discussion: Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up
Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email firstname.lastname@example.org or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com
Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”
Since Saturday’s SkypeCast attempt was full of epic fail–I got booted off at least six times, and everyone else who tried to log in got booted off as well, save one lone woman in Austria–let’s try this again, with TalkShoe. Turns out Skypecasts are no longer Mac compatible. Huh!
And Tristan’s book is so wonderful that it still needs to be discussed, so let’s try this again, shall we? With a more reliable service this time?
Sunday, July 20th, 6:00-7:00 p.m. Central
Click here for call info
Dial in to (724) 444-7444 from any phone
Come log on to the Skypecast tomorrow to discuss Tristan Taormino’s new book, Opening Up!
When: Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 p.m. Central
How: Click this link and sign on to Skype
What: anything you’d like to say about Opening Up
The discussion will be recorded, so please be aware that participating means your voice will be posted online. Thanks for your participation; I can’t wait to talk about this will y’all!
It’s that time again!
Poly Weekly Book Club meets tomorrow, Wednesday, July 2nd! We’re discussing Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up, but please come on out even if you haven’t read the book; the discussion will undoubtedly be lively!
Where: The Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted, 2nd floor on the white couches
When: Wednesday, July 2nds, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Who: anyone interested in poly who wants to discuss this great new book!
Can’t make it? Join our online discussion on Saturday, July 12th at 3:30 p.m. Central. You’ll need Skype (available for free), then just click the link at that time!
It’s that time again! This month, we’re eagerly reading (what else) Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up. I’ve already started it, and I can’t wait to discuss it with y’all! Of course, if you just want to talk polyamory or meet poly folks, reading the book isn’t required–just come out and say hello!
When: WEDNESDAY, JULY 2ND
Where: The Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted, Chicago, 2nd floor by the white couches
Why: because poly can be confusing and sharing opinions is fun (plus, the Mad Baker brings GREAT snacks!)
Who: anyone interested in meeting poly folks
If you’re interested in coming, please RSVP to Minx (cunningminx at gmail dot com) with the subject line “Book Club” so I’ll know to look for you. We’ve had some people not able to find us in the past, so we’re trying to make sure that doesn’t happen again!
Also, if you’re interested in discussing the book but aren’t local to Chicago, mark your calendar for Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 p.m. Central. for a Skype online book discussion.
What a great pleasure to spend the better part of Friday with the lovely and whipsmart Tristan Taormino and Colten. (I want my own Colten–can I have one? Please, please, please?) Full photo set is posted to my Flickr, but a few choice shots here:
Lunch after the interview:
The reading at Women and Children First:
The crowd at Women and Children First:
For more info and to discuss the book, visit her blog and forums at www.openingup.net
Hello, all! If you haven’t already had the chance to hear Tristan Taormino speak on her book tour, go ahead and get a copy for yourself to discuss with your partner(s) and friends. It’s unlike any other book on poly to date. Instead of sharing personal anecdotes and experiences, Tristan based the book on interviews with over 120 people of all orientations and relationship styles in order to easily lay out the non-monogamy options and choices available to you today.
The book reads more like a textbook than a self-help book, with tons of information on how and why you might choose each type of non-monogamy. Tristan also devotes time to subjects other books haven’t covered in detail, such as being a solo polyamorist and choosing a mono-poly combination for your relationship. I can’t wait to discuss this with the PW book club!
If you’d like to read and discuss this book, we’re going to try an online Poly Weekly book club discussion on Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 p.m. Central. Save the date; more details later. Click here to order your copy!
She speaks of universal qualities to look for in a poly partner:
You want someone who is self-aware, with strong communication skills, good boundaries, and a clear sense of who they are and what they want… Trust your instincts and avoid people who will bring negative energy, a destructive agenda, unresolved baggage or lots of drama to your life.
Excellent advice. I’ve always tended to have a penchant for those with lots of life experience, anyway; I figure that if they’ve lived through a lot, then my shit isn’t going to faze them at all. This is why I don’t tend to be attracted to the 20-year-olds. Not that they don’t have their own wisdom and positive energy, but I’ve never understood wanting to date younger than me. Unless the person has lived an extraordinary 20 years, I’d like to let him simmer for another 10 years or so and then see who he is.
Get your shit together
And her second bit of advice rings true for me as well. We had an interesting discussion at the Poly Weekly Book Club a few months ago spurred by a statement in Anapol’s book about resolving psychological and drug issues before entering a relationship. Personally, I think that’s a good idea anyway; it goes under the category of “get your shit together before you try to be attractive to someone else” in my book. However, some folks with ongoing pscyh issues took exception to the caveat, and understandably so. I believe we settled on any psych issues being under control–for example, if you suffer from depression, it’s probably not a good idea to go out and date until you get your meds at a level that keeps you feeling you most of the time. If you have a drug or alcohol abuse problem, um, yeah, I’m going to go with the assumption that you’re not going to be a very supportive or drama-free partner for anyone else until you can take care of yourself.
I suppose this is all a way of saying that you should be kind to yourself first. If you’re wounded or confused, take the time to explore that and feel good about yourself. If you need a vacation, take one. Meditation helps some people. If you need to adjust your meds, spend time with family or see a therapist, do it. Nothing wrong with taking care of yourself first.
I was once told that the sexiest thing I ever wore was confidence. The confidence was hard-won at that time, and I only had it because I’d taken nine months to work on myself. But when I was ready? DA-AMN, girl, but I was on FIRE!