PW 389: Intro to kink with MOLLENA!

Mollena WilliamsHow do you safely explore kink on the scene and find partners to play with? Mollena Williams, co-author of Playing Well With Others, tells all!

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

11:15 Topic: How do you safely explore the kink community?

Listener Miz B wrote in to ask how to safely explore the kink community: exploring interest, finding a dominant partner, and telling the current partner about the kink activities.

Enter the fabulous Mollena, co-author of Playing Well with Others, a book that explains the anatomy of the kink community and gives advice on what to expect for fun and safety.

46:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Lessons learned at ShibariCon

This year, ShibariCon was a fantastically exhausting experience! I almost didn’t go–too much work to do, and too many mundane tasks relating to some real estate I still own in the area. Grudgingly, I admitted that OK, I’ve committed to volunteer; of course I’ll go. But I won’t have fun.

And when I arrived, something changed. All the alienation I’d been feeling due to Seattle’s famous chilly reception melted away. It melted in the warm hugs of friends I was genuinely happy to see and who were genuinely happy to see me. For the first time in over a year, I felt like I belonged in the scene. Doubts, fears and insecurities melted away in the face of catching up with old friends and making new ones. I became the classic Minx, happy, bouncy and ready to have some fun.

I don’t want to be all cheesy and tell you not to be afraid of going to a conference alone. It still sucks to do that, and it’s still hard to try to connect with people in a weekend setting when you’re flying solo. You’ll still get turned down or blown off for scenes; I know I did and was. But my experience ended up being so deliciously positive that I want to share that joy, just in case it might inspire bravery the next time you fly solo at an event.

Stuff I Learned at ShibariCon 2010

  • I do belong here. The only one thinking otherwise was me.
  • When I am my own best self, wonderful things happen. And when I feel at home and welcomed, I am my own best self. Self-doubt is what kills the confidence, and without confidence, nothing is fun.
  • Scheduling at a con is hard/tricky. Cut yourself and your play partners some slack.
  • Don’t take it personally. Instead, find a way to take care of yourself that involves sharing your pain (and joy) with others.
  • Hide your crazy. But let little bits show in fits of controlled vulnerability. A controlled burn, if you will. :-)
  • Never compare yourself to others in any way. Instead, focus on what is making today awesome for you. If you close your eyes and feel a lack of awesome, put your finger on why, and then go ask for that.
  • Geek negotiation tip: if you’re unsure of where to start but you know you want to play, instead of asking a person for a scene or play, ask trusted friends whom they would recommend for play who might be free tonight.
  • Give your cell phone # to hot guys/girls so they can text you. (Outside the con space, of course)
  • Love yourself. Love your kink. Be fascinated by others’ kink.

All of this has me thinking about teaching a ShibariCon for Newbies/Solos class next year, with specific activities designed to help people check their emotional baggage at the door and have the confidence to have fun. Wouldn’t that be a GREAT way to start a con?

Poly Weekly #199: All My Love

This week’s Poly Weekly #199: All My Love, a review of the Chicago play on open marriage and interview with write Tony Fiorentino.

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at

You can help build episode 200!
Call in to 206-309-0806 or attach an mp3 to to share your poly lessons learned: “If I knew then what I know now… “–what would you have done differently?


Review: All My Love
The play All My Love runs in Chicago through May 10, 2009

Interview: All My Love writer, Tony Fiorentino

Happy Poly Moment of the Week
TheOgre is happy to see his girlfriend again

Listener Feedback
DonutRooter calls in about Psychology Today article questioning whether open marriage could be a solution to cheating

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

All My Love opens in Chicago

All My Love, a new theatrical presentation about the perils and pitfalls of open romantic relationships, written by and starring Artistic Director Tony Fiorentino. All My Love is a smart, fun and thoughtful look into the world of polyamory and is the fifth production presented by Diamante Productions. All My Love is now open and runs through Sunday, May 10 at the Theatre Building Chicago, 1225 W. Belmont Ave. Performances are Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 3:30 p.m.

The play follows middle-aged divorcée Ellen, as she explores the world of open relationships. While juggling multiple men, she must temper the jealous passions of her primary lover, Jack, while teaching her twin daughters, Abby and Lynn, the meaning of love through the prism of polyamory. The play takes an interesting turn when Jake decides to seek his own romantic opportunities within their alternative lifestyle, threatening Ellen with the competition of a younger rival. All My Love is a critique of Western society’s most cherished notions of love, monogamy, and marriage.

All My Love is offering $10 off all tickets when a group of ten or more people buy tickets to a single performance. To reserve your group today call 773.327.5252 and mention the code “POLY GROUPS” when purchasing ten or more tickets.

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