What I learned from 10 years of poly podcasting

What y’all have taught me about polyamory, community and myself

minx speaking ccon west 2013

Minx at CatalystCon West 2013

It’s hard to believe that Polyamory Weekly has been going strong for 10 years! When I started, it was to try out this new technology called RSS and to test this new content delivery system. But what topic should I cover for that test? In 2005, I’d been polyamorous for all of two years, and my partner, metamour and I had hit every relationship land mine in the book. As a result, the first year or two of our poly adventure was fraught with drama, tears and intense relationship discussions. So why not podcast about the drama we’d experienced and the lessons we’d learned? And so Poly Weekly was born. Over the years, both my own relationships and my awareness of poly’s place in society matured. When I first started the podcast, the only media mentions were thrilling tales of swing clubs being infiltrated and busted by undercover cops and juicy exposés of the crazy sexual libertines who might be living next door to you. Nowadays, coverage of polyamory in the media typically takes the form of a personal essay describing the lifestyle with a representative configuration, almost more like a how-to article, presented more as a life coaching piece than sensational journalism.

What I’ve learned from 10 years of poly podcasting

So for our anniversary episode, I thought it would be fun to both find out what others wish they’d known before diving into polyamory as well as what I’ve learned from engaging with podcast listeners and seminar attendees over the last 10 years. Listeners called in with a variety of lessons learned, from the hilarious “always buy twin sheets for the king bed so the person in the middle can get out in the middle of the night” to the heartbreaking “I wish I’d known that treating everyone equally is impossible and unfair before it destroyed our relationship.” As far as what I’ve learned from being your podcast host for the last 10 years:

  • Many voices are more powerful than one While my experiences are common and relatable, not everyone is like me, so the more voices we share describing both poly joy and poly issues, the better.
  • Respect and tolerance win the game While it’s not uncommon to run across intolerance and politics in poly forums and discussion groups, that is not representative of the community. When you treat others with respect and a tolerant mind, you get respect and tolerance in return. In 10 years of podcasting and blogging, I have never once received hate mail. Never!
  • Joy should be celebrated Despite the fact that much online coverage relates to relationships in the midst of implosion, happy poly moments flourish and should receive as much attention as the relationships in need of advice.
  • There is a lot I don’t know My fans have made me aware of a plethora of trends, communities and phenomena ranging from slash fic to transgenderism to asexuality. I hope to learn exponentially more over the next 10 years.
  • There is a lot I DO know Like many people, I suffer from the self-worth syndrome of “if I know it, it must not be that valuable or difficult.” Developing podcast and seminar content over the last 10 years has taught me that there is a lot that I do know that is worth sharing. For example, the key to happy relationships lies in four key skills: the ability to know yourself and explain your reactions to others, emotional intelligence, the ability to own your own shit and the ability to ask for what you want.

So, after 10 years, I have to thank all the listeners who kept it real. You have taught me far more than I ever taught you.

Why MomentumCon rawks

Cunning Minx, Anita Wagner, Brian Ballard, Mia Martina

Back from the flurry of sex-positive fun that was MomentumCon, and there are just too many good vibes to squish into one blog post. Fortunately for you, I’m home sick with something I’m convinced was given to me by a friend I had lunch with just before leaving for the con. (Yes, I now need to beat him up as promised.)

If you’ve never been to MomentumCon (and you probably haven’t, since it was the first one, although if you’ve been to Sex 2.0, you’ll know what I’m talking about), you should go for one very good reason: you will fit in. Kinky? Great; there are sessions on kink. Vanilla? No problem; there are no kink-specific parties, so you won’t be left out. Sex worker? Perfect; there are always sessions on how to be, support or even date sex workers. Sex Geek? Oh, you’ll be right at home. Gender queer blogger? There’s a session for you, and you’ll meet a dozen others like you. Poly activist? You’ll love the sessions on poly and the poly-friendly atmosphere. Monogamous? No worries; enjoy the sessions on tantric sex or chat with a porn star.  New media geek? Oh, honey, have we got sessions for you: panels, sessions and a Twitter stream to die for. Into burlesque, stripping, erotica, podcasting, masturbation, racial issues, identity issues? MomentumCon has got it.

In short, this is a con for whatever “sex-positive” means to you. This is a con that crosses identities, and it does it very well.

Want to know more?

  • For a taste of what the con is like, take a peek at my pictures from MomentumCon.
  • The slide deck from my own talk on Personal Branding for the Sex-Positive Educator. I’ve been asked to give this talk at several events, and I’m thrilled it always goes over so well!
  • Also, keep an eye on the podcast stream, as I’ll be posting the audio from my own talk as well as the audio from the podcasting panel.

And a big shout out to Tess Danesi and Dee Dennis for putting together such an astounding event. The presenters and attendees alike were raving about it, and with good reason. This is a good one, folks.

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