Should you bring in a new poly partner when your current partner agreed to it years ago and you’ve become distant in the meantime?
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Introduction Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Announcements and Host Chat
9:10 Striking when the iron is cold
Ricado has been with Sue for 20 years; used to have a strong bond, and she used to be adventurous and even liked the idea of poly but grew apart due to her disability involving chronic pain. Years go by; separate bedrooms (physical reasons, not sexual), and he meets someone. An intimate friend he’d like to bring in to the relationship.
What to do? The timing of the friendship is suspicious, and he doesn’t want to just say, “Hey, I met someone!” nor pressure his current partner into feeling like her disability was the cause. What to do?
First, be brave and tell her everything you just told me, including your fears about how it came about and what you’re afraid that will look like to her.
Also, a few things to consider:
- You What course of action is going to help you to be a better version of yourself?
- The relationship What course of action is going to support the health of your current relationship? It sounds to me like it has become based on tacit understandings rather than open and honest communication, which hints that the relationship might not be completely healthy at the moment.
- The prospective partner If you want to have hope of successfully initiating a new poly relationship, you must heal your current relationship first. It’s unfair to invite a third party into a relationship that isn’t 100% open, honest and healthy. That will have an extremely high likelihood of causing a huge amount of drama, pain, guilt and resentment for all parties involved.
Kabe responds to the Poly Mythbusters episode by reminding us that 1-2% of the population is asexual, so it’s really NOT all about the sex.
23:30 Happy Poly Moment
D happily reports that his monogamous relationship is now poly-ish due to BDSM proclivities!
26:00 Wrap up
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