Poly Dating 101: Tips for Poly Dating

Had a great time giving this talk at Poly Living West, hosted for the first time in Seattle! As always, the discussion afterward was far more interesting and thought-provoking. Thanks to everyone who participated!

Poly Weekly 252: Allena Gabosch

A smokin’ hot interview with Allena Gabosch, director of the Center for Sex Positive Culture

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Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

  • Reporting live from Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco!
  • Don’t miss Poly Living Seattle Oct 22-24, 2010

Interview: Allena Gabosch

The lovely and talented Allena Gabosch, director of Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture, shares the origin story of the Center in its current state and her own experiences with polyamory. Live from Paradise Unbound!

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly #197: Monogamy at Poly Living

This week’s Poly Weekly #197: Monogamy at Poly Living.

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

You can help build episode 200!
Call in to 206-309-0806 or attach an mp3 to cunningminx@gmail.com to share your poly lessons learned: “If I knew then what I know now… “–what would you have done differently?

Interview: Gini and Lauren, monogamists at Poly Living
Gini and Lauren share their experiences at monogamous documentors of Poly Living 2009.

4:20 Minx Interviews Jenny Trask and Lauren
Jenny and Lauren are monogamous at the poly living conference. Minx talks to them to get their impressions of the conference.

Minx talks about lessons learned with Jenny and Lauren. Jenny talks about how the skills necessary for poly relationship are very much like what you need for monogamous relationships. Jenny also brought up the jealousy workshop and how much they enjoyed it.

Lauren talked about learning from the interviews and one on one discussions.

Minx asks Jenny about her sisters, Robin.

Lauren talks about the filming process and what they have been shooting.

Discussion moves to challenges in monogamy.

21:00 Minx wraps up her experiences of Conflation

25:00 Happy Poly Moment of the Week
a listener wrote in with an awesome story of of a marriage ceremony between 3 lovers.

26:30 Listener Feedback
Tara called in about episode 146.

PolyOldFart wrote in about Tacit’s interview. POF mentions that sometimes being honest about your ex isn’t always trashing, it is necessary.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Living keynote slides

The slides from my keynote at Poly Living 2009. They’re intended to support a live presentation, so they don’t make much sense without it, but audio will hopefully follow soon.

From Poly Living 2009: Making Lemonade: the Poly/Mono Journey

Anita Wagner and a group of couples in the round, speaking on poly-mono folks getting together:

What led you to be poly?

  • It’s a commitment to growth and opportunities for intimacy
  • What makes you poly? To Anita Wagner, if you feel you have the desire and ability to love more than one person at a time, whether you actually are at the time or not. It’s less about behavior than about identity and beliefs.
  • If I haven’t practiced but am curious by poly and fascinated by hearing about how others practice it, am I poly?
  • I am my own primary partner first. Wanting to explore intimacy to the depth of my being, not just physical but emotional intimacy as well (or instead).

What are the challenges you face in poly-mono relationships?

  • Reframing what commitment means
  • Resisting the urge to blame each other
  • Reestablishing trust
  • Figuring what to tell friends, family and children
  • Dealing with guilt from societal expectations
  • Dealing with “you deserve better than that” from others
  • For the mono partner, dealing with loneliness, shame, inferiority, confusion, feeling that the metamour is an intrusion to the relationship

Advice

  • Don’t pigeonhole monos or polys–we all do this for different reasons
  • Be aware that the metamour can get even more quality time than the existing partner because it’s set aside specifically–make sure the existing couple gets special, carved-out time, too
  • Don’t have an affair instead of talking to your partner about poly–your partner WILL find out, and trust will be destroyed
  • Don’t bring it up early and then drop the idea of poly for an extended period of time (say, 10 years) and expect your partner to be up to speed
  • Bring the subject up at least once a month for general discussion, even if you’re not actively pursuing another relationship at the time. Remember that people, their needs and their relationship dynamic changes subtly (or dramatically) over time. “I told you five years ago what I wanted” doesn’t cut it!
  • Be sure to get a good education in poly itself and in good communication skills–try Marshall Rosenburg’s Non Violent Communication

From Poly Living 2009: Diana Adams on gay/poly marriage

Diana Adams speaking briefly at Poly Living 2009:

Poly Weekly #192: Sex Positive

This week Poly Weekly #192: Sex Positive.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Poly Living conference
Sex Positive film series

4:30 Minx talks about the documentary she watched “Sex Positive” and her impressions of the documentary.

13:05 Minx Interviews Clarise Thorn, the person putting the documentary series, Sex+++, together
Minx and Clarise talk about how the series was started; how each of the kink or sex positive movements don’t always talk together; Minx brings up the various different kinds of documentaries in the series; Minx asks about the attendance at the events;

22:20 Happy Poly Moment of the Week
Joreth wrote in and talked about how she showed her metamour how she cared about her; Robotic mailed in and talked about how his grandmother gave him a gift that exactly matched one that Minx talked about.

25:40 Feedback
Josh clarified his question about poly and teenagers.

Imzadi wrote in with a great limerick:

There once was a beautiful couple
Who decided to get into trouble
They flirted with me
And we wound up as three
And now everyone’s feelin’ the frubble

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #189: Coming Out Poly

This week Poly Weekly #189: Coming out poly… in Milwaukee.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Announcements

10:07 Miss Poly Manners
Miss Eater writes in with a concern about which partner should sit where while at a restaurant; Miss Poly Manners suggest being near the one you see less, or switch it up, and many other great suggestions.

13:58 Coming out Poly party
Minx talks about the great turn out to the Coming Out Poly party; Ash and Lindsay talk about the purpose of the party and their reaction; Ash and Lindsay talk about what they want from the group; they talk about how somebody could start their own group.

21:43 Minx talks to Boone
Minx asks Boone about the awesomeness that is coming out poly

26:14 Happy Poly Moment of the Week
Fred wrote in and told us about the passing of his cat and how the large network of metamours helped be supportive.

27:38 Nobilis called in thanking Minx for her thoughts on relationships and how they impacted his own thoughts; Chris wrote in with his appreciation of episode 186. Kevin wrote in with his own comments.

30:55 Jillian wrote in commenting on Anita Blake.

32:40 Frya called in thanking Minx for the show as she works through the past episodes.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #151: Can you love two at once?

The new Polyamory Weekly #151: Can You Love Two at Once is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #151

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:30 Host Chat
Looking forward to Sex 2.0 conference; introducing Alan’s segment from the Poly Living conference

3:30 Topic: Can you love two at once?
This stems from a Dear Abby question from a woman who says she is in love with two people at once and wonders if that is possible–just asking the question in this way shows progress. And Abby’s response isn’t too bad–she begins by saying that you can love two people for different reasons. She then shows her monogamous bias, but the openness with which the question is addressed shows a marked difference from past responses.

7:50 Report: Poly Living Conference
Alan of the Poly in the Media blog took a voice recorder to the Poly Living conference and brought us along for the ride!
9:00 Anita Wagner discusses her workshop on jealousy; she recommends communication, education and owning one’s own jealousy
11:20 Serena Anderlini-d’Onofrio discusses her workshop on bisexuality; Alan asks about being “bisensual” or “bi-intimate” without being bisexual
14:45 Michel Z talks about being more honest in relationships and when not to be 100% honest
16:15 C.T. Butler discusses the consensus decision-making process as a formal model for decision-making within a poly family; cooperation rather than competition
18:30 Deborah Anapol, the conference’s keynote speaker, points out that we need to live outside our conditioning and take charge of our own relationship decisions
Alan applauds that Loving More stepped in to take over the conference after George Marvil’s death–quit giving to the tobacco corporations, go to PolyLiving.org for next year’s conference; check LovingMore for their east and west coast retreats in the meatime

21:15 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #145: Coming Into Polyamory

The new Polyamory Weekly #145: is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #145

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:00 Promo: Nawashi on Podiobooks
Please check out Nawashi, Graydancer’s novel of erotic magic, available for free download at PodioBooks.com, now the #1 PodioBook

4:30 Announcements
The Negotiating Non-Monogamy seminar at A Woman’s Touch in Madison went GREAT! While I created a lot of materials for the class, we used them as a jumping-off point rather than as a structured class outline; we did more interactive discussion. Next seminar is on MARCH 19TH, 6:00 P.M. at A Woman’s Touch in Milwaukee–register now!

6:40 Poly in the Media
Alan reports on the Washington Post’s feature article on the Poly Living conference; the original article is here; also, a professor at the University of Missouri describes her research into poly people and STD transmission when she heard the astounding statistic that it is safer to have protected sex with 100 people than unprotected sex with one; 11:37 another professor expresses her awe at how well poly people manage relationships

12:15 Interviews: from the UIC Polyamory Panel
Mary talks about the panel questions she was expecting; her daughter Madison introduces herself; Mary comments on the discussion about how bisexuality fits into polyamory; 14:00 Stacy (from Canada) comment on the makeup of the audience; open to differences in poly; didn’t want panel to define the box for them; life partners/friendships/commitment; no one brought up cheating; swinging vs poly communities; her path to poly

19:55 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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