PW 495: A poly glossary

poly glossaryLet’s talk about key poly terms

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1:30 Poly in the news

11:15 Topic: A poly glossary

Not sure what a metamour or a comet is? Curious about the difference between a triad and a vee? Wondering what a Boston marriage refers to? We pick out our favorite key terms from More Than Two’s excellent poly glossary page.

23:20 Feedback

A asks what “romantic” means

26:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

Poly for the holidays primer

Poly for the holidaysIt’s that time of year again: when folks in mainstream relationships go home to spend time with their families, and poly partners suddenly become the awkward, “um… friend” to blood relations.

The holidays are stressful enough. Adding poly partners into the mix can add even more stress, especially if certain partners are forced back into the closet for events involving blood relations.

To make life a little easier, here are the best episodes we’ve done on poly for the holidays:

  • Episode 411 at 10:15, which includes advice learned from FBI hostage negotiators
  • Episode 345 at 3:00, in which LustyGuy and Minx share their tips for negotiating family time around the holidays while accommodating as many needs as possible
  • Episode 297 at 1:30, in which Joreth and Puck share their holiday advice about how to introduce partners and deal with being closeted
  • Episode 184 at 11:20, in which Minx gives gift and self-care advice
  • Episode 86 at 4:50, in which Minx advises NOT to come out during the holidays

Here’s hoping these can help make your holidays a little easier!

 

PW 494: Labeling your loves

What do you call your poly partners?partner-label

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Poly in the news

9:30 Topic: Labeling your loves

Polyamory can lack really great terms for your partners. What do you use instead of “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” or “partner.” Got anything better that you use? Partner, lover, sweetie, paramour, sidekick, topkick, anchor?

14:00 Feedback: episode 489 The other woman in poly

Doug writes in to say that for him, adding a new woman to the relationship ALWAYS makes sex better with the existing partner

16:00 Thanks!

Thanks to Sandra for her donation this week!

17:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 492: Hitting on metamours

10173860 - close up of a little girl taking a cookie behind her motherIs it OK to hit on my cute same sex metamours? Or just lazy?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Poly in the News

5:40 Topic: Is it OK to hit on my metamours?

Was writes in to ask about being attracted to same-sex metamours on the outer branches of the polycule. Will one be perceived as predatory or lazy for just picking up all the same sex cuties from the group? Is that bad form?

13:15 Feedback

Harry calls in to offer a “time out” of the relationship as useful in addition to the “check in”

16:00 Happy Poly Moment

Was writes in to share a happy poly moment, when her partner volunteered to pick up her metamour from the airport!

17:40 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 489: “The other woman” in poly

the other woman in polyHow “the other woman” archetype affects poly relationship

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Host chat

We’re now on I Heart Radio

1:45 Poly in the News

7:30 Topic: Casting “the other woman” in poly

Polyamory is supposed to be devoid of non-consensual relationships, so why would we need to talk about a topic such as “the other woman” in poly? Much like life, poly is an ongoing journey of discovery, and sometimes, old habits die hard. More than one poly person has found themselves unwittingly cast in “the other woman/man/person” category, as we discover that a partner has not revealed their marital or relationship status with 100% honesty.

Koe Creation and Minx discuss coping mechanisms when this happens, including self-care as well as public needs and future avoidance.

37:30 Feedback

Sean writes in to share his experience of coming out to his family

42:00 Happy Poly Moment

A listener shares an international HPM!

43:15 Thank you!

Thanks to Alexander for the donation!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 485: Do I end my marriage to try poly?

choosing a path

Is it worth it to end my marriage to try poly?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Announcements and host chat

Asexuality Awareness Week is October 23-29

Beyond the Love

4:00 Poly in the News

Survey: one in five people data non-monogamously

6:45 Topic: Do I end my marriage to try polyamory?

I am in my early twenties and have just discovered polyamory. It has been really liberating to discover that people live happily in this way an that I am not alone. There is one problem however: I am married and entered into the marriage with the understanding that we were both monogamous. My husband is not receptive to any of this, and it seems we want really different things. He wants to be the only one I love and the only one that I go to for everything, but I just feel I want more than he can give.  

I just want to be able to connect emotionally and physically with people as I see fit, and this is incompatible with the relationship.  How can I decide if poly is important enough to leave my marriage over?

How to bring up polyamory within a monogamous relationship

16:40 Feedback

  • Lean writes in to ask for more Relationship Anarchy content on the podcast
  • Linda calls in about the Supreme Court marriage equality decision in 2015
  • Audio from the mono part of a mono-poly relationship: folks in the community can be negative towards monogamists but otherwise, it’s a great community

23:00 Happy Poly Moment

  • A listener calls in to recount how she owned her shit during an episode of jealousy
  • A Mardi Gras Happy Poly Moment

28:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 484: Shifting time with changing partner priorities

Is it OK to shift one’s time commitments when one’s priorities shift?shifting time priorities

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Announcements and host chat

1:30 Poly in the News

8:45 Topic: Shifting time commitments as priorities change

A listener calls in to ask a question: since it turns out her partner isn’t available to be a live-in partner and she wants a live-in partner, is it OK/ethical to reduce the time she spends with him in order to make room for a potential live-in partner?

Things to consider:

  • It’s OK to want what you want
  • You get to decide what your priorities and boundaries are
  • Address the issue with all involved if/when it becomes reality, not before (don’t borrow trouble)
  • Ask for what you want and be prepared to hear yes, no or a counter offer

18:45 Feedback

  • AggieSez wrote in to share how she constructed and shares her user manual on EverNote
  • A listener calls in to ask for more podcasts on intersexuality

26:45 Happy Poly Moment

  • Anonymous wrote in for a happy metamour moment about being included and invited to participate in planning a party for a mutual partner
  • A listener calls in to share a happy metamour breakfast moment. No, metamours are not that scary!

30:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 483: Dealing with the gossip mill after coming out

8311963_sHow to deal with gossip and rumors after you come out as poly

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Remedy the movie is now available to stream at http://www.remedyfilm.com/
  • We’re teaching How to Write Your Own User Manual Tuesday, August 23 at Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture! Get tickets here.

4:15 Poly in the News

The poly professionals list has been updated! Huzzah! And also a great link to What Psychology Professionals Need to Know About Polyamory.

6:15 Topic: Dealing with the rumor mill after coming out as poly

IslandGirl calls in to ask how to deal with the rumor mill surrounding she and her wife coming out as poly—it was worse than when she came out as queer! What to do?

14:15 Feedback on episode 447 Poly People of Color

  • A listener calls in to ask for more episodes on poly people of color
  • S wrote in about the April 2016 issue of the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy to let us know it discusses the prevalence of Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) in two national samples of single Americans in which 21% of single adults in both studies have previously had a CNM relationship and ultimately concluding “The present results illuminate that almost one quarter of American adults engage in departures from monogamy at some point during their lives — and that engagement in these relationships is not unique to stereotypically privileged castes of U.S. society.”
  • Jen also wrote in with a story about when her economic privilege was called out.

26:10 Happy Poly Moment

  • Kristin writes about gaining self-awareness and self-confidence and improving her self-esteem through the poly process
  • Cate shares a lovely happy poly moment of getting a perfect card from her metamour during her goth wedding renewal with her husband

41:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 482: Dealing with a**holes in the poly community

How to deal with assholes in the poly communitylolcatfart

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Poly-ish movie reviews

Of The Ethical Slut: the web series from Joreth of Poly-ish Movie Reviews

7:00 Topic: Someone in the poly community makes me uncomfortable. What do I do?

Your choices are these:

  • If you have experienced abuse, report the person to a safety report, if your community has them. Alternatively, propose safety reports.
  • Leave the community entirely.
  • Choose to attend events where the person is less likely to show up.
  • Attend whichever events you like and cope with your unease.
  • Start your own poly event.
  • Limit your poly to private events with people you do trust—call three poly friends to go to a movie, for example.

14:30 Feedback on episode 475 on hierarchies

20:45 Happy Poly Moment

  • Orlando shares a polycule HPM
  • Sara from Sweden celebrates her first year of successful poly

24:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 480: Traversing gender with Lee Harrington

Let’s talk about transgender journeysC-KiltedPhotography-square

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Host chat

3:30 Interview: Lee Harrington on transgender journeys

TraversingGender_web

Lee Harrington answers a ton of my questions about what we need to know about transgendered folks and how we can be allies, including:

  • Why did you write this book?
  • What has been your trans journey?
  • How can I be an ally for you/trans folks like you?
  • Who is the book written for?
  • What did you learn from writing the book?
  • Any trans sex tips for us?
  • How do we ask how to arouse a trans partner? (Spoiler: “how do you like to be touched?”)

Find his book Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Realities and Lee’s website here. Also his Facebook, Twitter,  Pinterest, Tumblr and Instagram.

34:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@gmail.com!

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