500: Dan Savage on polyamory

Dan Savage on polyamory over the years

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1:30 Announcements

Thank you for listening!

2:40 Interview: Dan Savage on polyamory

Dan Savage is a writer, TV personality, and activist best known for his political and social commentary, as well as his honest approach to sex, love and relationships. Savage’s sex advice column, “Savage Love,” is syndicated in newspapers and websites throughout the United States, Canada, Europe and Asia. He is the Editorial Director of The Stranger, Seattle’s weekly alternative newspaper, and his writing has appeared in publications including The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, GQ, Rolling Stone, The Onion, and on Salon.com. Savage is also the author of several books and is a contributor to Ira Glass’s This American Life, and has appeared on NPR’s Fresh Air with Terry Gross, HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, and ABC’s 20/20.

Savage Love

Dan Savage on Twitter

The Stranger Articles by Dan Savage

While many people still believe that Dan Savage has an unfavorable view of polyamory due to some comments of his from many years ago, he is actually quite positive towards it. Here’s what we asked him:

  • has your take on poly changed over the years?
  • what is your current stance on poly?
  • how has “monogamish” helped people over the years?
  • how do you deal with critiques about inclusion?
  • what are you most proud of?
  • what do you wish you hadn’t said?
  • what do we need to do in the face of a Trump presidency?
  • what are you working on next?
  • what advice do you have for small sex positive podcasters with a day job?
  • any parting advice for the poly movement?
  • are you poly?

33:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

499: Coming out to your doctor

How and when to come out to your doctorwhat your doctor needs to know about your poly lifestyle

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Announcements

6:30 Poly in the news

Why poly is so feminist

9:30 Topic: Coming out to your doctor

With cohost Koe Creation.

  • What your doctors need to know
    • The gender of the people you have sex with
    • The number of people you have sex with
    • What you use in terms of barriers and birth control
    • Any health conditions or concerns that you or your partners have that might affect the experience of identifying or treating an STI
  • How and when to come out and which doctors to come out to
  • Minx’s advice to doctors about intake questions that will help the patient feel more comfortable revealing their relationship orientation and sexual identity
  • 28:10 Advocating for the type of STI testing you want and why “test for everything” isn’t clear enough
    • Model “reactive” and “non-reactive” versus “clean” or “positive”

36:30 Happy poly moment

J shares a wonderful holiday happy poly moment

38:30 Thanks!

Thanks to Jason, Doug and Zoya for their generous donations this month!

39:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 497: How to advise a friend she’s about to step on a poly land mine

Advising a friend on a poly situationHow do you advise a friend she’s about to step on a poly land mine?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Announcements

And at RelateCon in Boise March 31-April 2 use code POLYWEEKLY for a special discount

1:40 Poly in the news

8:05 How to advise a friend of a poly land mine

Emilia has a close friend A that she was interested in a relationship with. His partner C was monogamous and only tentatively open to casual sex with others outside their relationship. Then she met and became close friends with D, who then started seeing A. But D wanted a relationship with A and asked Emilia’s advice, who said D might get hurt because A and C only allowed casual sex outside their relationship.
You can guess what happened. Everyone broke up. And Emilia, who insists she was trying to help, was accused of being manipulative. Was there a better way to advise her friend of the poly land mine she was about to step on?

  • It’s OK to be jealous. You can be jealous (or envious) of someone else getting a relationship you yourself want.
  • Having rules made against you sucks.
  • In the future:
    • Ask for what you want. Tell A how you feel. Yes, you might lose the friendship.
    • Own your shit. Admit your bias, desires and jealousy to your friend D.
    • Be honest. If you fear it’s doomed, say so. ONCE. Then be 100% supportive.
    • Be kind. Be supportive of your friend. If the relationship is really doomed, she’ll need you. Do you best to put your envy aside and support her if you can.

17:20 Happy Poly Moment

Phillip shares a happy family poly moment.

 

19:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 496: The intimacy of a joint bank account

How do you ask your wife for a joint bank account to fund nookie with your sweetie?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Announcements

4:40 Topic: Asking about a joint bank account to fund nookie

Listener E wrote in to ask how on earth to ask his wife how she’d feel about him and his sweetie setting up a joint bank account to fund their trysts, which involve not only 20-40 miles of driving and dinner but also a hotel for the evening every week. But how does he tell his wife he wants to set up a joint bank account with his girlfriend? Is that too intimate?

  • If you’re afraid of asking a partner something, you MUST ask it as soon as possible
  • How to make it easier
    • Consider her emotions surrounding money and take those into account
    • Have the conversation during your weekly relationship check-ins—ride the wave of dozens of positive or neutral check-ins
    • Acknowledge your fear up front
    • Ask her for advice/solutions rather than proposing your solution
    • Be prepared to listen empathetically and offer support
    • Understand her reaction is about her, not you

13:30 Happy Poly Moment

Kirsten writes in with the most beautiful happy poly moment ever!

16:15 Thanks

Thanks Kristian and Kirsten for the donations!

16:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 495: A poly glossary

poly glossaryLet’s talk about key poly terms

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Poly in the news

11:15 Topic: A poly glossary

Not sure what a metamour or a comet is? Curious about the difference between a triad and a vee? Wondering what a Boston marriage refers to? We pick out our favorite key terms from More Than Two’s excellent poly glossary page.

23:20 Feedback

A asks what “romantic” means

26:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

Poly for the holidays primer

Poly for the holidaysIt’s that time of year again: when folks in mainstream relationships go home to spend time with their families, and poly partners suddenly become the awkward, “um… friend” to blood relations.

The holidays are stressful enough. Adding poly partners into the mix can add even more stress, especially if certain partners are forced back into the closet for events involving blood relations.

To make life a little easier, here are the best episodes we’ve done on poly for the holidays:

  • Episode 411 at 10:15, which includes advice learned from FBI hostage negotiators
  • Episode 345 at 3:00, in which LustyGuy and Minx share their tips for negotiating family time around the holidays while accommodating as many needs as possible
  • Episode 297 at 1:30, in which Joreth and Puck share their holiday advice about how to introduce partners and deal with being closeted
  • Episode 184 at 11:20, in which Minx gives gift and self-care advice
  • Episode 86 at 4:50, in which Minx advises NOT to come out during the holidays

Here’s hoping these can help make your holidays a little easier!

 

PW 494: Labeling your loves

What do you call your poly partners?partner-label

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1:30 Poly in the news

9:30 Topic: Labeling your loves

Polyamory can lack really great terms for your partners. What do you use instead of “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” or “partner.” Got anything better that you use? Partner, lover, sweetie, paramour, sidekick, topkick, anchor?

14:00 Feedback: episode 489 The other woman in poly

Doug writes in to say that for him, adding a new woman to the relationship ALWAYS makes sex better with the existing partner

16:00 Thanks!

Thanks to Sandra for her donation this week!

17:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 492: Hitting on metamours

10173860 - close up of a little girl taking a cookie behind her motherIs it OK to hit on my cute same sex metamours? Or just lazy?

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1:00 Poly in the News

5:40 Topic: Is it OK to hit on my metamours?

Was writes in to ask about being attracted to same-sex metamours on the outer branches of the polycule. Will one be perceived as predatory or lazy for just picking up all the same sex cuties from the group? Is that bad form?

13:15 Feedback

Harry calls in to offer a “time out” of the relationship as useful in addition to the “check in”

16:00 Happy Poly Moment

Was writes in to share a happy poly moment, when her partner volunteered to pick up her metamour from the airport!

17:40 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 489: “The other woman” in poly

the other woman in polyHow “the other woman” archetype affects poly relationship

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Host chat

We’re now on I Heart Radio

1:45 Poly in the News

7:30 Topic: Casting “the other woman” in poly

Polyamory is supposed to be devoid of non-consensual relationships, so why would we need to talk about a topic such as “the other woman” in poly? Much like life, poly is an ongoing journey of discovery, and sometimes, old habits die hard. More than one poly person has found themselves unwittingly cast in “the other woman/man/person” category, as we discover that a partner has not revealed their marital or relationship status with 100% honesty.

Koe Creation and Minx discuss coping mechanisms when this happens, including self-care as well as public needs and future avoidance.

37:30 Feedback

Sean writes in to share his experience of coming out to his family

42:00 Happy Poly Moment

A listener shares an international HPM!

43:15 Thank you!

Thanks to Alexander for the donation!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 485: Do I end my marriage to try poly?

choosing a path

Is it worth it to end my marriage to try poly?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Announcements and host chat

Asexuality Awareness Week is October 23-29

Beyond the Love

4:00 Poly in the News

Survey: one in five people data non-monogamously

6:45 Topic: Do I end my marriage to try polyamory?

I am in my early twenties and have just discovered polyamory. It has been really liberating to discover that people live happily in this way an that I am not alone. There is one problem however: I am married and entered into the marriage with the understanding that we were both monogamous. My husband is not receptive to any of this, and it seems we want really different things. He wants to be the only one I love and the only one that I go to for everything, but I just feel I want more than he can give.  

I just want to be able to connect emotionally and physically with people as I see fit, and this is incompatible with the relationship.  How can I decide if poly is important enough to leave my marriage over?

How to bring up polyamory within a monogamous relationship

16:40 Feedback

  • Lean writes in to ask for more Relationship Anarchy content on the podcast
  • Linda calls in about the Supreme Court marriage equality decision in 2015
  • Audio from the mono part of a mono-poly relationship: folks in the community can be negative towards monogamists but otherwise, it’s a great community

23:00 Happy Poly Moment

  • A listener calls in to recount how she owned her shit during an episode of jealousy
  • A Mardi Gras Happy Poly Moment

28:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

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