PW 485: Do I end my marriage to try poly?

choosing a path

Is it worth it to end my marriage to try poly?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Announcements and host chat

Asexuality Awareness Week is October 23-29

Beyond the Love

4:00 Poly in the News

Survey: one in five people data non-monogamously

6:45 Topic: Do I end my marriage to try polyamory?

I am in my early twenties and have just discovered polyamory. It has been really liberating to discover that people live happily in this way an that I am not alone. There is one problem however: I am married and entered into the marriage with the understanding that we were both monogamous. My husband is not receptive to any of this, and it seems we want really different things. He wants to be the only one I love and the only one that I go to for everything, but I just feel I want more than he can give.  

I just want to be able to connect emotionally and physically with people as I see fit, and this is incompatible with the relationship.  How can I decide if poly is important enough to leave my marriage over?

How to bring up polyamory within a monogamous relationship

16:40 Feedback

  • Lean writes in to ask for more Relationship Anarchy content on the podcast
  • Linda calls in about the Supreme Court marriage equality decision in 2015
  • Audio from the mono part of a mono-poly relationship: folks in the community can be negative towards monogamists but otherwise, it’s a great community

23:00 Happy Poly Moment

  • A listener calls in to recount how she owned her shit during an episode of jealousy
  • A Mardi Gras Happy Poly Moment

28:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 484: Shifting time with changing partner priorities

Is it OK to shift one’s time commitments when one’s priorities shift?shifting time priorities

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Announcements and host chat

1:30 Poly in the News

8:45 Topic: Shifting time commitments as priorities change

A listener calls in to ask a question: since it turns out her partner isn’t available to be a live-in partner and she wants a live-in partner, is it OK/ethical to reduce the time she spends with him in order to make room for a potential live-in partner?

Things to consider:

  • It’s OK to want what you want
  • You get to decide what your priorities and boundaries are
  • Address the issue with all involved if/when it becomes reality, not before (don’t borrow trouble)
  • Ask for what you want and be prepared to hear yes, no or a counter offer

18:45 Feedback

  • AggieSez wrote in to share how she constructed and shares her user manual on EverNote
  • A listener calls in to ask for more podcasts on intersexuality

26:45 Happy Poly Moment

  • Anonymous wrote in for a happy metamour moment about being included and invited to participate in planning a party for a mutual partner
  • A listener calls in to share a happy metamour breakfast moment. No, metamours are not that scary!

30:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 483: Dealing with the gossip mill after coming out

8311963_sHow to deal with gossip and rumors after you come out as poly

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Remedy the movie is now available to stream at http://www.remedyfilm.com/
  • We’re teaching How to Write Your Own User Manual Tuesday, August 23 at Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture! Get tickets here.

4:15 Poly in the News

The poly professionals list has been updated! Huzzah! And also a great link to What Psychology Professionals Need to Know About Polyamory.

6:15 Topic: Dealing with the rumor mill after coming out as poly

IslandGirl calls in to ask how to deal with the rumor mill surrounding she and her wife coming out as poly—it was worse than when she came out as queer! What to do?

14:15 Feedback on episode 447 Poly People of Color

  • A listener calls in to ask for more episodes on poly people of color
  • S wrote in about the April 2016 issue of the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy to let us know it discusses the prevalence of Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) in two national samples of single Americans in which 21% of single adults in both studies have previously had a CNM relationship and ultimately concluding “The present results illuminate that almost one quarter of American adults engage in departures from monogamy at some point during their lives — and that engagement in these relationships is not unique to stereotypically privileged castes of U.S. society.”
  • Jen also wrote in with a story about when her economic privilege was called out.

26:10 Happy Poly Moment

  • Kristin writes about gaining self-awareness and self-confidence and improving her self-esteem through the poly process
  • Cate shares a lovely happy poly moment of getting a perfect card from her metamour during her goth wedding renewal with her husband

41:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 482: Dealing with a**holes in the poly community

How to deal with assholes in the poly communitylolcatfart

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Poly-ish movie reviews

Of The Ethical Slut: the web series from Joreth of Poly-ish Movie Reviews

7:00 Topic: Someone in the poly community makes me uncomfortable. What do I do?

Your choices are these:

  • If you have experienced abuse, report the person to a safety report, if your community has them. Alternatively, propose safety reports.
  • Leave the community entirely.
  • Choose to attend events where the person is less likely to show up.
  • Attend whichever events you like and cope with your unease.
  • Start your own poly event.
  • Limit your poly to private events with people you do trust—call three poly friends to go to a movie, for example.

14:30 Feedback on episode 475 on hierarchies

20:45 Happy Poly Moment

  • Orlando shares a polycule HPM
  • Sara from Sweden celebrates her first year of successful poly

24:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 480: Traversing gender with Lee Harrington

Let’s talk about transgender journeysC-KiltedPhotography-square

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Host chat

3:30 Interview: Lee Harrington on transgender journeys

TraversingGender_web

Lee Harrington answers a ton of my questions about what we need to know about transgendered folks and how we can be allies, including:

  • Why did you write this book?
  • What has been your trans journey?
  • How can I be an ally for you/trans folks like you?
  • Who is the book written for?
  • What did you learn from writing the book?
  • Any trans sex tips for us?
  • How do we ask how to arouse a trans partner? (Spoiler: “how do you like to be touched?”)

Find his book Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Realities and Lee’s website here. Also his Facebook, Twitter,  Pinterest, Tumblr and Instagram.

34:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@gmail.com!

PW 479: What you need to know about diversity in poly

Kevin PattersonLet’s talk about diversity in polyamory

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Host chat

6:30 Poly in the News

Poly Relationships May Be the Future of Love in the BBC

7:30 Interview: what you need to know about diversity in poly

Koe Creation arranged this interview with Kevin Patterson, creator of the Poly Role Models blog on Tumblr. We talk about how racial identity surfaces in poly, how to encourage diversity within your own poly groups and a few things you need to know about awareness.

33:30 Feedback

Is it true that polyamory is comprised of “primarily borderline personality disorders, mental illness, needy, or narcissists?”

37:40 Thank you

Thanks to Eric and Max for their donations!

38:45 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@gmail.com!

Poly Pitfalls: Fixing Things When They Break

Thanks to everyone who attended the debut of our new class on poly pitfalls! We already have some great ideas for improving the class for next time.

Poly Pitfalls 101: Fixing Things When They Break

PW 478: Don’t try poly without listening to this

What do you need to know before trying polyamory? (rebroadcast)

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Host chat

3:50 Poly in the News

6:05 Topic: What you need to know about poly relationships before trying one

Koe Creation and Minx highlight one of the most important pieces for you to read, review and integrate before trying a poly relationship. No, it’s not about jealousy. No, it’s not about dating. No, it’s not about safer sex. This is a topic that very few people discuss before trying polyamory and is usually the cause of the demise of the first poly relationship.

What is it? The rights that every person has in every relationship, regardless of the structure: Franklin Veaux’s and Eve Rickert’s Relationship Bill of Rights.

38:05 Thank you!

Thanks to Shelby for the donation!

39:05 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@gmail.com!

PW 477: What’s the trick to triads?

Is there a hack to successful triads?threesome (1)

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

  • Poly Pitfalls: Fixing Things When They Break is Tuesday, May 24 at the Center for Sex Positive Culture in Seattle. Come join us! Tix here.
  • Telling a story at Bawdy Storytelling Seattle Slippery Slope tonight at 8:00!

3:00 Poly in the News

Meet the people in “Quads”

5:40 Topic: What’s the trick to triads?

Listener E writes in to ask if there is a trick to maintaining triads or quads—are there hacks that make some more successful than others? Or is is 100% chemistry and partner selection? E writes:

I once heard Pepper Mint say that triads and quads are the “graduate school” of polyamory. After being involved in three diverse triad-style relationships myself, I think he’s right. Getting any group of people together in close proximity is bound to cause problems, and this is especially the case when they’re romantically and / or sexually involved. Even when all parties have been poly for a long time, are great communicators, and know not to treat people as things, triads tend to run into problems.

22:00 Feedback

Aggie Sez from SoloPoly.net comments on episode 475 on hierarchies and on “sneakiarchies” and includes a link to her recent survey on what solo people think of hierarchies.

28:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@gmail.com!

PW 476: How do I know where I stand?

How do you know where you stand with a new poly partner?where do i stand

Download the mp3 directly

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

  • We’re on Google Play Music
  • New class! Poly Pitfalls: Fixing Things When They Break is Tuesday, May 24 at the Center for Sex Positive Culture in Seattle. Come join us! Tix here.

3:15 Poly in the News

13:10 Topic: How do I know where I stand?

Confused in California writes in to ask how to figure out where she stands with a new poly partner who began by lying to her about being single and who won’t give advance notice for infrequent dates. How does she know how much of a partner she actually is to him?

Minx recommends reading the Relationship Bill of Rights, which is a standard for EVERY relationship, not just poly ones. In particular, you have the right to be told the truth, to choose the level of involvement that YOU want (not what he/they are willing to offer), to feel and communicate your needs and to seek balance in what you give to the relationship and to what the relationship gives back to you.

22:45 Feedback

  • Viro from the furry relationship advice podcast Feral Attraction writes in to comment on episode 47, saying it is sometimes OK to talk to one partner about another
  • Heather writes in to share how poly has improved her sex dreams
  • Dee calls in with a new poly relationship term: “comet.” This is someone who passes through your life repeatedly who is intense and awesome and when gone you were still in contact with that person in some way, but they’re not a continuous partner. Love the idea!

29:45 Thank you!

Thanks to Elizabeth for her donation, and welcome Amy and Dylan to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

31:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@gmail.com!

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