By Cunning Minx, on March 7th, 2012%
 Does one have to self-identify as poly in advance of a situation in order for polyamory to work?
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Introduction
1:00 News and host chat
2:00 Topic: Poly by Orientation vs Poly by Situation
Should I be poly? This question is often asked, and a recent BlogHer essay questioning whether monogamy is the ultimate form of love or a restraint on one’s sexual freedom is better brought up the question: is polyamory a solution to a relationship with no intimacy?
- Is poly of zero benefit to a monogamous-identified partner of someone who would like to be poly?
- Does “Poly by Situation” ever work?
- 11:20 What is required for a Poly by Situation effort to work out: every partner is fully committed, everyone voices their fears and doubts at every turn, no veto power
13:15 Feedback
26:30 Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email?  Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on February 27th, 2012%
 Sex addiction as a celebrity diagnosis is all the rage. But is it real?
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Introduction
1:00 News and host chat
5:00 Interview: the Myth of Sex Addiction
Dr. David Ley is a clinical psychologist and the author of a new book on sex addiction to be released next week!
- First book was Insatiable Wives about permissive female infidelity and the hotwife lifestyle
- Why the book was necessary
- Is “sex addiction” just a label for celebrities who have more sex than me?
- If sex is a biological imperative, how can it be an addiction?
- Why has this arisen in our culture now, this idea that people can be addicted to sex? What brought this about?
- TigressBooks asks: but is this behavior typical of alpha male? Not pathological, but personality type?
- Nissyen asks: there are lots of compulsive behaviors. Does sex gets the addiction label because it’s so culturally taboo to be promiscuous?
- Irish8m asks: isnt any action/behavior done to a degree that pushes other aspects of life out of balance an “addiction,” including sex?
References: the History of Nymphomania
39:00 Happy Poly Moment
- Kit shares a happy poly moment about his wife getting a date she wanted
- Funny poly moment from Clint and Kat in New Zealand
44:00 Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on February 21st, 2012%
 Rose Crompton of Vibrations Direct asked about poly, podcasting and my favorite sex toys. It was a fun interview and ended with my best advice for those approaching nonmonogamy for the first time.
Read the full interview here
Giving poly a go? My top tips for poly newbies:
Be prepared to meet parts of yourself you didn’t know about. You will find insecurities you didn’t know were there, and you’ll experience joy in ways you never knew you could.
Be patient with yourself and your partner(s). Remember your first attempts at monogamy weren’t perfect, either.
Worry less about rules and more about what you have to offer. As with monogamous dating, people with lots of rules and criteria rarely find what they seek, and those who are open-minded and easygoing find unexpected pleasures.
Own your shit – by this I mean baggage. If you’re not strong enough to say, “I was wrong,” “I need to bring something up” or “my last STI test came up positive,” you aren’t ready for poly. Being confident enough to own your own baggage and brave enough to start tough conversations is essential.
Start from a healthy place. Get your existing relationships healthy first. The ‘relationship broken; add more people’ model almost never works. You will have to trust your partner to tell you when you’re love-goggling, when he’s feeling jealous and when you aren’t pulling your weight.
Get a support network. Seek out local communities of real people who have real-life experience with polyamory and its ups and downs; having trusted contacts who’ve been there and can provide advice and a sympathetic ear is invaluable.
Read the full interview here.
By Cunning Minx, on February 20th, 2012%
 Being poly in America February 2012–how did the world treat nonmonogamy this Valentine’s Day?
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 News and host chat
- Thanks for your patience with the audio—think we’ve fixed it
4:20 Topic: Being poly in February 2012 for Valentine’s Day
Poly in the media and how love and relationships are being viewed for this year’s Valentine’s Day.
22:10 Feedback
- Musqurat calls in to correct my assertion that the word “polyamory” was coined by Morning Glory Zell. In fact, she used the word “polyamorous;” the word “polyamory” was first used by Jennifer Wesp in the Usenet group in 1992.
- Fred writes in to share that he found his identity as a monoamorist who likes occasional play with others.
25:10 Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on January 30th, 2012%
 Signs that you might be poly
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 News
- Our polyamory disaster – tale of swinging, casual sex, non-monogamy, insecurity, lack of communication and lots of drugs – wonder why it didn’t work out
- Introverts Guide to Networking – Written for business, but great for introverts who are into poly and easily overwhelmed in social situations
- Polyamory and the slippery slope – arguing against the slippery slope argument against legalizing gay marriage because it could lead to legalization of poly marriage
8:45 Topic: You might be poly if…
Thanks to all our listeners who responded on Twitter and Facebook to complete this sentence! My favorite responses:
- You have to check three different calendars before you can say yes to a “do you wanna go get a cup of coffee?”
- For the holidays you have an easier time thinking of presents for your boyfriend’s partner than for your boyfriend
- You have run out of colors for your sweethearts on your Google calendar
- You keep a spreadsheet of boundaries
- You and your husband’s boyfriend both remind the waiter not to put parmesan on his spaghetti
- You get genuine pleasure from someone else’s happiness
13:25 Feedback
- J and A ask about the hotwife lifestyle with two questions: did other poly folks find poly through hotwife? And men with a hot wife kink often get off learning intimate details or watching their partner play. From listening to past episodes, we can’t determine if this is uncommon or just rarely discussed in poly circles? (Answer: it’s always discussed whether you want to watch and how much you want to know about sexual activities)
- Olaf asks about pre-poly signals—has anyone noticed poly tendencies in retrospect?
20:10 Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on January 3rd, 2012%
 How to approach someone for a threesome or one-on-one date
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Announcements
7:45 Topic: The metamour approach
- Elizabeth asks how to approach the invite for a threesome with a good friend without ruining the friendship. Minx’s advice: treat it the same way you would approaching a mono friend you have romantic feelings for but don’t want to ruin the friendship. Flirt, state your desires, graciously accept a “no.”
- Proff asks if he’s weird for wanting to meet his partner’s OK Cupid date on their first meeting. Minx’s take: How would you feel if you’d been flirting with a girl and, when you went to pick her up, her whole family came out to size you up? A bit off-putting for the poor guy! It’s best to trust your partner to date someone as ethically as she dated you. Keep in touch and meet him after a few dates.
17:05 Feedback – Episode 297, Poly for the holidays
- P wrote in to tell how her kid surmised the relationship, asked about it, and they pleasantly confirmed
- Lily from Boston requests more solid advice on dealing with kids for the holidays – who has good advice for her? (None of our cohosts have kids!)
- Chauncey says thanks!
21:25 Thanks
Thanks to Scott, Kelly, Carlita, Scott and new Poly Weekly Playmate Paul!
Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on December 12th, 2011%
 How does a poly professional woman focused on her career make time and energy to date at all?
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Host chat
- We’re closing in on episode 300. And it’s all YOURS! Call in your poem, limerick, story, joke, Happy Poly Moment, book review, rant; whatever! Call in to 206-202-POLY or attach an mp3 to email to polyweekly@gmail.com. Without YOU, there will be no show!
- The right-wing extremists are at it again. If we allow gay marriage, people will marry their cars.
- And Rick Perry is at it again, making a tremendously unpopular video against gays serving openly against the military somehow correlating to a war on Christmas. No, it doesn’t make sense to anyone else, either. And they kind of forgot to turn off the like/dislike feature, so currently 230K Dislikes compared to under 800 Likes. Score one for social media showing how people REALLY feel about idiot politicians!
- Pepper is organizing a new OpenSF conference June 8-10 in San Francisco, just $40!
9:20 Topic: How does a busy poly professional woman find time to date?
A listener writes in to ask how a full-time woman who puts her career first and still handles the home responsibilities can find dating anything other than exhausting. Also, what to do when your partner has more free time and energy to date, causing dating envy.
- First, sympathy—I work for a startup and have also made work my priority, so it is very hard to find energy to date after putting all your passion into your work.
- Second, evaluate your priorities. Do a goal-setting session using Your Best Year Yet to establish your priorities for the next 12 months. If dating isn’t that valuable to you and doesn’t make the list, treat it like any other type of jealousy and act accordingly. If it is, try making 1-hour lunch date “chemistry tests” or make weekly OKCupid online vetting nights (with wine and a girlfriend!) to get started.
- Third, take immediate action. It sounds like the chore split was created when you had more free time, so redistribute household chores to give you more time and energy for self-care and other essential/fun priorities.
- Finally, it might be helpful to listen to the episodes on introverts and on jealousy.
- And bonus: “sleep is the new sex” It’s the ultimate luxury and vice; treat it as a precious resource!
25:00 Thanks
Thanks to Paul for his donation! And welcome Olaf to the Poly Weekly Playmates!
26:00 Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on November 21st, 2011%
 What is the difference between an open relationship and a polyamorous one?
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Host chat
- We have new monthly subscriber donation options! Coffee buddies at $1.99/month, Friend with benefits at $4.99/month and Anchor at $9.99/month. Just choose a PW Playmate option to the right of this entry and hit the big yellow Subscribe button. >>>>>>>
- Marvin is our first Anchor subscriber. W00t!
- We’ve created a Poly Weekly Google+ page. Add us to your Circles for poly, geek and kinky updates.
- Thanks to GaggleAmp promoters for reTweeting us last week!
- Enough promotion! Geeks, beware: Cheezburger has launched a geek version of the site, Set Phasers to LOL (think LOLcats but with Star Trek) and more!
8:00 Topic: What is the difference between an open relationship and polyamory?
Thanks to listener Donner (?) for calling this one in. Both open relationships and polyamory are ways of practicing non-mongamy. The main difference is that an “open relationship” tends to assume a couple at the base, whereas “polyamorous” can describe both a lifestyle and a personal philosophy or orientation. I.e., I’m single and poly, but I couldn’t be single and in an open relationship. Additionally, polyamory tends to have “multiple long-term, committed relationships with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved,” while open relationships are more loosely defined.
Also, while we’re at it, let’s define polygamy, polygyny, polyandry and polyfidelity! Franklin Veaux has a well-researched glossary of terms if you are ever in doubt.
17:00 Happy Poly Moment
Mark shares a happy poly moment at the birth of his child.
18:15 Feedback
- Scott comments on changing the negative victim-minded behavior patterns mentioned in episode 293 and suggests theater and other subcultures for the football-loving poly guy
- Kevin says thanks and asks about a Poly Weekly meetup at Burning Man in 2012 (yes if we can!)
- Josh shares a lovely story of patience and communication and how it lead to a wonderful exploration of spanking and polyamory
25:45 Thanks
Thanks to Marvin and Sarah, our first PW Anchor monthly subscribers! We hope we can do you proud! And to Eric for his donation.
26:30 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
By Cunning Minx, on November 7th, 2011%
 The HSV blues–herpes myths busted and HSV stigma eliminated
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Host chat
- The GaggleAmp experiment
- Great having dinner with Kurt, our book reviewer!
2:40 Topic: The HSV blues
MakeUpandSin, 23, wrote in to ask for advice when she discovered she had herpes after she and her boyfriend brought a new girl into their relationship. Feeling unsexy, she blames herself and insists possible exposure is all her fault. Host Joreth asks why is it stigmatized more than a cold; the blame and guilt are disproportionate to the actual disease and mode of transmission.
- Herpes is likely not due to promiscuity, has nothing to do with sexual past. Keep in mind that most children get it from their parents touching them, so get away from the blame game. Take positive steps: educate yourself on the medical details on the strain, placement, medications; arm yourself with information rather than guilt; gather questions and talk to your doctor.
- When bringing up the issue with partners, Puck suggests going in confident and informed without a sense of shame or guilt; many people don’t even realize they have it because it’s a non-event. Joreth compares to some who get a cold and it’s nothing while others get totally wiped out. And keep in mind it’s also possible to be HSV positive and have partners who aren’t and keep that status; current tests aren’t effective and some who are known positives can sometimes test negative depending on the test.
- HSV1 versus HSV2 and why the distinction doesn’t matter; location-based diagnosis; skanky STI films and the dangers of doing medical research online
- Final advice – remember this is just a harmless virus and not a punishment for bad behavior; it’s just part of being alive, like getting a cold every year.
21:30 Feedback
- Sean asked about episode 291 Yes Means Yes and why some people don’t use safewords. The short answer is (a) they are just arrogant pricks or (b) they prefer clear and specific communication (my right foot is asleep) to a black and white safeword.
- 26:08 Pablo writes in to share the beauty of three.
28:45 Thanks
Thanks to Nathaniel, Emily, Blake and three-digit hero Iske for contributions this week that will go toward MomentumCon travel!
Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
By Cunning Minx, on October 18th, 2011%
 Going a step further for negotiating consent: yes means yes
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Announcements
- The Geeky Kink Event is November 4-6 in New Jersey, including D&D gaming and TARDIS bondage boxes in the play space!
2:20 Yes means yes
A look at a new campaign that takes “no means no” to a more proactive level: yes means yes. Cohosts:
Franklin Veaux
Joreth
Puck
Active Consent
Yes means yes blog
The contemps.com on yes means yes
Slutwalk London on yes means yes
CafePress
25:10
“Dinner Party” erotica minigasms. Like it and want more? Support the Minigasm project here!
30:45 Feedback
- 30 year old male asks how to get past the self-doubt and criticism when exploring polyamory for the first time
- Amanda asks how poly family’s kids can be taken away
- Dave, a monogamous listener, says thanks!
42:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
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Does one have to self-identify as poly in advance of a situation in order for polyamory to work?
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