PW 342: Getting over your Dom

How do you get over the loss of an intense relationship, like a D/s one?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Minx and LustyGuy got back from vacation… sick as dogs.
  • PW friend J.R. Blackwell, an amazing photographer, is looking to photograph a poly wedding! See Blackwell's work here and get HALF OFF to the first poly group that engages her!

4:35 Topic: Getting over your Dom

How do you get over your Dom after an intense relationship and a rough breakup? Some advice:

  • This just sucks, kinky or not. Allow yourself to grieve the loss.
  • You'll get through this. And you'll be better for it.
  • Seek out a poly/kinky support network for this and other issues. Being isolated makes a breakup even harder.
  • Find a poly/kinky-friendly therapist in your area to have someone professional to talk to. I did this, and it helped make the year after a difficult breakup much better.

16:30 Feedback

Lee asks for advice on losing a poly relationship and going from a poly family of three to just a couple of two.

19:00 Happy Poly Moment

Herbalwise shares a happy poly moment.

22:00 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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PW 341: The poly professional woman

If you're a busy professional woman, how do you make time to date and form more than one relationship?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

Congrats to friend of Poly Weekly and queer, kinky poly grrl Pretty Ribbons on getting a book publishing deal from her blog!

2:45 Topic: Poly professional woman (rebroadcast)

A listener writes in to ask how a full-time woman who puts her career first and still handles the home responsibilities can find dating anything other than exhausting. Also, what to do when your partner has more free time and energy to date, causing dating envy.

  • First, sympathy—I work for a startup and have also made work my priority, so it is very hard to find energy to date after putting all your passion into your work.
  • Second, evaluate your priorities. Do a goal-setting session using Your Best Year Yet to establish your priorities for the next 12 months. If dating isn’t that valuable to you and doesn’t make the list, treat it like any other type of jealousy and act accordingly. If it is, try making 1-hour lunch date “chemistry tests” or make weekly OKCupid online vetting nights (with wine and a girlfriend!) to get started.
  • Third, take immediate action. It sounds like the chore split was created when you had more free time, so redistribute household chores to give you more time and energy for self-care and other essential/fun priorities.
  • Finally, it might be helpful to listen to the episodes on introverts and on jealousy.
  • And bonus: “sleep is the new sex” It’s the ultimate luxury and vice; treat it as a precious resource!

18:30 Feedback

Gabriel writes in to ask if there are any children’s books to introduce poly to kids—anyone know of one or want to take on the task?

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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PW 340: How to argue

How to fight fair in a relationship

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

There have been quite the happenings in Sweden, writes listener D!

4:30 Topic: How to argue

Great advice on how to argue and fight fair in a relationship:

  • Treat the other person with respect
  • Listen
  • Summarize back what you heard
  • Assure your partner that his/her feelings are valid
  • Use “I” statements
  • Don't get revenge
  • Diffuse the anger
  • Talk about your feelings rather than acting on them

19:30 Happy Poly Moment

Jess writes in to share some sweet gestures from her metamour on first meeting!

22:00 Feedback

Mike G calls in to discredit the “upsuck” theory of female orgasm mentioned in episodes 333 and 336

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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PW 338: Swingset non-monogamy orgy!

Life on the Swingset podcast

What happens when the crew of the Swingset Life joins Poly Weekly? THIS!

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1:00 News and host chat

  • There is a new FetLife group on living as a “single secondary” (Signup and login required) with interesting discussions such as “what would your ideal poly situation look like?
  • Relax; it’s a lap dance, not a root canal. Why you should enjoy your lap dance and stop trying to save your dancer – From Sex and the 405

8:00 Swingset orgy blowout!

It’s a non-monogamy orgy as the Swingset crew joins Polyamory Weekly! Ginger, Dylan, Cooper and Shira (also cohost of Pedestrian Polyamory podcast) talk progressive swinging, modern non-monogamy and a bit about sucking cock. Be polypodcasterous!

  • Introductions
  • And they’re off! (Is Google Calendar foreplay?)
  • 16:00 What is progressive swinging? And blurring the line between polyamory and swinging
  • Male bisexuality and swinging today and why guys shouldn’t be afraid to be bi; how women love gay porn
  • 41:50 is it getting warm at this orgy or is it just me?
  • 42:15 myth: swingers are rich yuppies while polys are broke hippies. Discuss!

55:20 Thanks

Thanks to Ryan and Kevin for their donations!

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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PW 336: Moving out without moving on

Can you maintain a relationship while changing the cohabitation situation?

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2:00 News and host chat

  • LustyGuy cohosts
  • Psychology Today reporting on a University of Michigan study that showed that people perceive nonmonogamists to have more negative traits, including paying taxes late and flossing, as well as being more sexually risky. A previous study showed that consensual nonmonogamists practice less risky sexual behavior and are more likely to get tested and use condoms.
  • A new site for HSV and HPV positives, Love H Style
  • The Drama Reduction Act

12:00 Moving Out Without Moving On

Vicky writes in to ask how to maintain a relationship when the living situation isn’t working out. Can primaries move out and still keep up a healthy relationship?

20:00 Listener Feedback

Thanks

Thanks to Jeff and Aggie for their donations!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


PW 335: The Taormino kink advice line

Tristan Taormino answers your questions about kink in a poly context

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1:00 News and host chat

  • CatalystCon was amazing! The highlight reel:
    • Taking Sex Ed to the Streets panel with Carol Queen, Jessica Drake from Wicked, Sex Nerd Sandra
    • Sex and the Media panel with Charlie Glickman, Lynn Comella
    • Making Orgasm a Political Statement with AASECT-certified sexuality educator Megan Andelloux
    • Bawdy storytelling, dirty bingo, pool hangout with some cool poly peeps–thanks for coming out!
    • We gave away 10 shirts! Will have more to order online soon.
  • Which cons do you attend and want to see a PW session at? Let us know on the Poly Weekly Facebook page

15:25 Sex for your earbuds

Life on the Swingset podcast

17:00 Tristan Taormino answers your kink and poly questions

Tristan Taormino, award winning author, columnist, editor, filmmaker, sex educator and author of the new book, the Ultimate Guide to Kink, answers listener questions!

  • Ian asks: please explain the multi-partner dynamic as it exists in the kink world, and how it is different (or similar) to the poly. (There are many polys who are not kinky, many kinky who are not poly, and many many monogamous people who are kinky and have issues participating in the kink community.)
  • Emma asks: I’ve been asked to do scenes with people who are “sexually monogamous” with their partners. Lots of conversation about what activities count as sex ensues, but I’m still nervous to play with monogamous people. What if something is improvised in the moment and crosses that line? What if something feels sexual to me but not to them?
  • Herb asks: Have you actually seen or heard of a fetish that surprised you?
  • James asks: What if someone wants to try something scary (breath play) but is worried about past sexual abuse issues it could bring up?

More questions for Tristan? Ask them on her weekly live radio show, Sex Out Loud, Fridays at 5:00 PM Pacific on VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network.

37:40 Happy Poly Moment

Cysteine shares a happy poly moment.

Thanks

Thanks to Carina and Jason for their donations!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


PW 333: This week in poly

What happen in the polysphere this week? Civil unions in Brazil, solo polys and Republicans on the female anatomy.

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1:00 News and host chat

  • I’ll be giving Content Creation for the Online Activist at CatalystCon September 14-16 in Long Beach

3:40 This week in poly

25:00 Happy Poly Moment

  • Ryan in Denver shares a cuddly HPM
  • Rob shares a nekked camping HPM in Missouri

29:00 Feedback

  • Joan MADE MY DAY with her heartfelt thanks for episode 330 on welcoming a third into your relationship

32:00 Thanks

Thanks to Eric, Joan and John for the donations this week!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


PW 332: The reality behind Showtime’s polyamory

An interview with Anthony and Vanessa on the reality process behind Showtime’s Polyamory: Married and Dating

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1:00 News and host chat

  • I’ll be giving Content Creation for the Online Activist at CatalystCon September 14-16 in Long Beach

3:00 Interview: Anthony and Vanessa from Polyamory: Married and Dating

  • Anthony Christofani

    How long have you identified as poly and how did you come into it?

    • Anthony was always poly before he knew the word; Vanessa came to it from cheating.
  • Why did you decide to put your personal and sex lives on TV?
    • No one else raised their hands!
  • Did you have messaging goals going in and if so, are they being met?
    • Starting the conversation about an alternative to monogamy and the possibility of a functional, intimate relationship with more than one person
    • Coming across as happy and healthy
  • What was not included?
    • The rest of our lives: they cut out pretty much everything but the relationship (jobs, school, political activism, family issues)
  • What’s with all the sex scenes?
    • Vanessa posits that the sex shown is loving group sex, which is new
  • How do you respond to the community criticism regarding the lack of diversity in casting?

    Vanessa Carlisle

    • The show is limited to the few people willing to put their lives on TV, and there were attempts to show diversity, but none of those people agreed to be on the show
  • How much of the show is staged?
    • Yes and no to the staging question. They are not told to say anything in particular, but filming is scheduling in advance.
  • What do you want the polys and monogamous folks of the world to know?
    • Monogamous: thanks for the open-mindedness
    • Poly: thanks for the support and remember that we only represent ourselves; this is just the first foray

35:00 Feedback: how do I convey jealousy to my partner without him off?

A writes in to ask for advice. Her new partner was previously monogamous, and when A has occasional bouts of jealousy and insecurity, the new partner will just end the new relationship to make it easier on A. “How can I go about asking for the care I need without scaring him off?”

  • Edward: tell him you’re feeling jealous and explain it’s not a call to action
  • Ken: communicate the feeling of insecurity and ask him to help you understand it
  • Sarah: just say how you feel and reassure your partner that they don’t need to act
  • Scott: African masks and a voodoo ritual (to scare your partner off)?
  • Becky: admit feelings to yourself first and admit they aren’t rational; say “I don’t need you to change what you’re doing, but I just wanted you to know what is going on”
  • Dave: preface with “I feel kinda dumb bringing this up, but…” and share your feelings
  • Gigi: preface with “I realize this is really more about me and not about the situation… “ and share your feelings
  • Andrew: be responsible for your feelings and express them so that it’s clear to your partner that you know you are responsible
  • Lindsay: communicate root of your jealousy clearly and own your feelings

42:00 Thanks

Thanks to Joan for the donation this week!

43:00 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


PW 331: The scheduling dance

How to manage a poly dating schedule without stepping on toes

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1:00 News and host chat

  • LustyGuy cohosts
  • I’ll be giving Content Creation for the Online Activist at CatalystCon September 14-16 in Long Beach

2:45 Topic: The schedule dance

Herbalwise calls in to ask best practices for coordinating schedules with a new partner while being considerate of the existing partner. If you can’t do a regular date night because of kids and whatnot, how do you grab time while remaining considerate of the life partner?

  • Question: why can’t dates be scheduled?
  • Question: why are you hesitating to speak to your life partner about dates and scheduling?
  • LustyGuy points out the importance of time budgeting
  • Minx recommends the three C’s of poly dating:
    • Clarity – be clear about what you want, need and will accept
    • Calendar – used shared calendars (Google is popular)
    • Communication – communicate with all parties before, during and after dates as needs shift and change
  • Recommendations from listeners via Facebook, Twitter and Google+ include:
    • Shared Google calendars and unlimited texting plans
    • Only have as many partners as you can handle and schedule time-wise
    • Schedule some events long in advance and leave blocks of time open for serendipitous meetings with lovers
    • Overlapping social circles, group dates and double dates
    • Teuxdeux for tasks

33:00 Happy Poly Moment

DDom shares joy in discovering a close community via FetLife.

37:00 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


PW 330: Adding a third without making a third wheel

Adding a third without making a third wheel

How do you open up a couple? Advice on how to welcome a third from a HBB

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1:00 News and host chat

  • Congratulations to our Burning Man ticket winner!
  • Thanks to M, Christopher, Eynstein, Wayne, Elijah, Marshall, Ioana, Devon, Jessica, Karl, Scott, Jason, Lee, Greg, Cornelius, Damita for their donation during the Burning Man fundraiser

5:00 Topic: From two to three

Advice to couples on opening up their relationship from a HBB: what to do and what not to do. Full blog post here.

  • Instead of considering only protective measures, consider what you have to offer and how you can welcome a third and make him/her feel as loved as you are
  • Try this exercise: how would you feel if you were welcoming a child into your relationship? Approach a new lover with that same sense of joy, sharing and hope.
  • A few don’t’s: don’t allow veto power, ignore metamour communication, say there is no hierarchy if there is. Don’t have the point of the vee moderate communication.

27:15 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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