PW 450: My metamour is a $&!@? to me

What to do when your metamour seems rude to youRude snub metamour

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host Chat

1:20 Poly in the News

8:15 Topic: Help! My metamour is a bitch to me!

Listener A writes in to ask what to do: her metamour avoids eye contact and seeks out their mutual partner alone. How does A tell her partner that he chose the wrong gal to date?

LustyGuy and Minx both think this might be a misunderstanding and have more to do with social awkwardness than sabotage.

  • Don’t make assumptions about her behavior—she might just be intimidated or introverted
  • Take it upon yourself to open lines of communication and extend the welcome
  • You can only control what YOU do, not what anyone else does
  • You’re the expert on you

16:00 Feedback on episode 446

  • NOLady wrote in to take Minx to task on episode 446, in which we referenced the Ashley Madison hack, both with the numbers presented and with the original tone of the report
  • H wrote in to recommend mentioning Dan Savage’s take on the Ashley Madison hack, which we already did in episode 446
  • Mint wrote in about being demisexual and asked for more representation for those on the asexual spectrum

26:00 Happy Poly Moment

Jason wrote in to share a happy poly moment about finally being able to date his species!

28:30 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 448: What to do when you see gaslighting

gaslighting with quotesWhat do you do when you see a friend being gaslit?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

7:45 Topic: What to do when you see gaslighting

A listener called in to ask a tricky question: what do we do when we see a friend or community member being gaslit? I put the question to the panel of Eve Rickert, Tamara Pincus and William Winters III on emotional abuse, and this was their advice:

  • Listen and validate
  • Offer support
  • Tell the friend that their partner might tell them not to speak to you anymore, which is a sign of abuse

Every community leader should read 10 Things I Wish I’d Known About Gaslighting and be aware of the phenomenon.

14:55 Feedback

  • Karen wrote in with feedback on episode 418 on emotional abuse, arguing that supporting the survivor can be tricky. Minx agrees but argues that it does no harm to support both the survivor and the perpetrator and do restorative justice for both.
  • T writes in to thank us for the education. It was helpful to him to self-identify as poly, even though he has decided to stay in his loving monogamous relationship with his wife—by choice.

23:45 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 447: Poly people of color

poly people of color imageWhat is the experience of poly people of color, and how can we encourage diversity and inclusion?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

  • Minx will be in New York September 24-27—any suggestions for things to do?
  •  CatalystCon West report will be in next week’s show

1:45 Topic: Poly people of color

The poly community is generally portrayed as white and middle class. But that’s not entirely accurate. Our panel answers the questions that Minx awkwardly poses:

  • What is your experience in the poly community?
  • Can you speak to the experience of being a person of color in a poly community?
  • What can we do to be more inclusive and welcoming of people of color?

34:45 Feedback

  • Poly Friend writes in to argue that with poly, a limited number of kreplits are distributed among a growing number of partners. Minx argues that love isn’t a zero sum game, or people with more than one kid would be exceedingly cruel.
  • Lee writes in to argue that for the listener asking for advice on episode 444 when to stop lying about when to stop lying, Minx should have told her just to dump the guy who insists she lie to her friends. I disagree: I see my job as enabling my very smart listeners to make their own decisions, so my style is to give you questions you can ask yourself that will help you to decide what will be best for you.
  • Squirrel writes in about herpes, so we do an HSV review. Past episodes covering HSV are here, here and here.

46:30 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

How to recognize and respond to emotional abuse

Cunning Minx, Eve Rickert, Tamara Pincus, MSW, LICSW, William Winters discuss the issue of emotional abuse in alternative communities and how we can create awareness and maintain community for both survivors of and perpetrators of abuse at CatalystCon West #cconabuse

CCon session handout

Poly families: poly parents and kids sound off

Wondering if polyamory is good for families? A poly mom, son, father and daughter share their experiences #cconpoly

The shame virus: how we can avoid it

Marcia Baczyski’s and Mary Jo Goddard’s session on sex positive educators avoiding shaming at CatalystCon West, 2015

PW 445: How to be a trans ally

comic hands heartA trans activist shares tips on supporting the trans community and its members

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

  • Minx will be in New York September 24-27–ping me if you know of poly/kinky events going on!
  • I’ll be at CatalystCon West next weekend!

2:30 Poly in the News

Polyamory, an abundance of love is a friendly, supportive article on Deutsche Welle on polyamory

4:45 Topic: How to be a trans ally

Trans activist Oblio joins our live show in Eugene, Oregon, sponsored by As You Like It, the Pleasure Stop, to share how cisgendered folks can support the trans community.

  • What does “polyamory” mean to you and why do you self-identify as “authentic” instead?
  • What do you wish everyone understood about gender identity?
  • How do we facilitate a safe space to ask the ignorant questions?
  • How would someone approach you in terms of gender identity and pronoun?
  • What is “presenting” and why should you not use that to determine which pronoun to use for address?
  • I appear cisgendered and want to try on a new pronoun for play. Is that offensive or appropriation?

26:15 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 444: When to stop lying

lolcat-liesWe all lie a little to be in the closet. But how much is too much?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

12:30 Poly in the News

Polyamory: taboo for religious Americans but not for the rest

16:00 Kicking Poly Drama Testimonial

Kicking Poly Drama on Its Ass online course student Joseph shares his experience with taking Minx’s first online course—what it was like, and was it worth the time, effort and money to take an online poly course.

20:10 Topic: When to stop lying

Frustrated in Kentucky writes in to ask about a tricky situation. In an open marriage and playing with K, who is squicked at dating a married woman and wants to be in the closet about it. However, their mutual close friends have noticed their interactions and are asking about Frustrated dating K, so she is forced to lie directly to them in order to keep K in the closet. To make matters worse, K is about to move in with said mutual friends! What to do?

  • LustyGuy suggests not actually lying while still respecting K’s closet. Have you tried “I can’t answer that” or “I can neither confirm nor deny”?
  • While you do need to respect K’s closet, it’s also worth asking yourself what you need in order to be happy. Is being in the closet hot and sexy, or is it making your relationship worse and less healthy?

27:25 Thank you!

Thanks BJ for joining the PW Playmates!

28:40 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 443: So you wanna be Poly Wan Kenobi

Poly Wan KenobiOur tips if you want to be someone’s guide into first-time polyamory

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

  • Minx will be in New York September 24-27–ping me if you know of poly/kinky events going on!

1:30 Poly in the News

6:00 Topic: So you wanna be Poly Wan Kenobi

LustyGuy and Minx talk about their decision not to date poly virgins. But what if you WANT to? What about those who like being the guide on someone’s first voyage into polyamory?

Our favorite millennial Koe Creation joins us with her tips on choosing to be someone’s Poly Wan Kenobi and taking on the challenge of guiding a newbie into the poly fold.

  • Set your boundaries
  • Be open to being a guide to help your mentee to find the kind of poly that is best for him/her/them, even if it’s not your brand of poly—be willing to let go
  • Be the poly you want to see in the world
  • Stay flexible
  • Stop guiding/teaching when it stops being fun/rewarding for you

20:15 Feedback

Raven shares feedback on episode 440 about the power of honesty being the best argument for polyamory.

Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 442: How I Knew I Was Trans

250Lm-transgenderA fun and touching story of self-acknowledging gender identity

Download the mp3 directly

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

4:45 Topic: When I knew I was trans

LustyGuy and I recorded Cass’ amazing and touching story of coming into oneself and realizing when and how to acknowledge one’s gender identity. Thanks to Janet Hardy for introducing us to Cass, and thanks to As You Like It for providing the venue and promotion for this live taping in Eugene, Oregon!

TransPonder group in Eugene

22:20 Happy Poly Moment

Doug shares a Happy Poly Moment of frubble he feels for his ex-girlfriend.

25:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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