What to do if your independence hurts your partner(s)
1:00 Host chat
3:00 Topic: When independence hurts
A listener writes in to ask what to do when one’s need for autonomy and personal time causes one’s partner grief.
LaRasa writes: “One of my biggest hang-ups is that because I have always been so independent, the current situation of mono life feels like a cage, but whenever I bring up the need for me time, she gives me the ‘hurt puppy dog’ eyes.”
We recommend using the Sunday Safe Space (great idea!) to do a full relationship check-in, including praise, gratitude and expressing appreciation for what is working well. Also:
- Talk about specific behaviors, not broad generalizations (what exactly makes your life feel “like a cage”?)
- Let each person own their shit; don’t assume an emotion due to the eyes
- Innoculate, check in, iterate
- Establish a “get home” ritual
- Joris writes in to criticize my reluctance on episode 393 to use the singular “they” (which is now no longer an issue) and to bring up the challenges gender queer folk have to deal with every day
- Ourdane did as well and also called me out on gender stereotyping
- Baltimore Sun editor on the singular “they”
32:45 Happy Poly Moment
- The “Sugar Shack”
- Going from DADT to happy metamours
38:00 Wrap up
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