PW 277: Jealousy and courage

Talking jealousy and the power of courage with Franklin Veaux

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

Host Chat

Musings on the ShibariCon experience and how it was the best con ever.

9:30 Topic: Jealousy and Heinlein

Tacit, host of the Xeromag poly site, discusses Heinlein and jealousy; don’t confuse the trigger for the root; expressing your needs, even when a new person comes along

  • life rewards people who move in the direction of greatest courage; the rewards of a husband reaching out and talking to the wife’s new lover, who was succesfully exploring kink with her
  • his new book, More Than Two, his LiveJournal is a Tacit, and his mega poly site is at Xeromag poly site; the book’s focus is on practical tools to make relationships work on a daily basis
  • comments on NRE–he thinks it keeps you from getting to the good stuff and knowing who the person really is; a shared life
  • Franklin long-distance relationships; his polysaturation point for non-LDR’s (three); and LDR’s requiring deliberate time versus volume of mundane time; minx comments on needing a poly sugardaddy to support her LDR habits; knowing where your boundaries are with discussing sex
  • having a lover/main partner who takes it upon herself (is “proactive”) to ask about and discuss his relationships with new partners instead of waiting for him to tell her what is going on; optimism for love

38:00 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

How to make ShibariCon 2011 Your Best Con Ever

Slides from my intro to congoing and con conversation class at ShibariCon. Thanks to everyone who participated!

Top 10 reasons to go to ShibariCon 2011

shibaricon.comI love my email inbox some days! I just got an email from a kinkster considering attending his first ShibariCon. He asked me to convince him to come. Since this is one of my favorite cons that I’ve attended nearly every year since its inception, I’m happy to oblige. Wondering if it’s worth the trip? If you have any interest in kink, rope or shibari, it is!

Top 10 Reasons You Should Go to ShibariCon 2011:

  1. Chicago in May? Lovely!
  2. Bonus: trip to IML leather market, $2, for the best variety and best prices on leather gear all year.
  3. Got a costuming fetish? Dress up every day and night if you like!
  4. Midori. ‘Nuff said.
  5. Graydancer’s cabaret. Even if your whole day sucked, this will have you cheering.
  6. Rope twister!
  7. Hard points, hard points, hard points!
  8. Sadistic rope tops and hot submissive ass.
  9. Mollena’s Mojo. Every session she gives fills your brain and makes you laugh.
  10. You know you’ll regret it if you don’t!

Lessons learned at ShibariCon

This year, ShibariCon was a fantastically exhausting experience! I almost didn’t go–too much work to do, and too many mundane tasks relating to some real estate I still own in the area. Grudgingly, I admitted that OK, I’ve committed to volunteer; of course I’ll go. But I won’t have fun.

And when I arrived, something changed. All the alienation I’d been feeling due to Seattle’s famous chilly reception melted away. It melted in the warm hugs of friends I was genuinely happy to see and who were genuinely happy to see me. For the first time in over a year, I felt like I belonged in the scene. Doubts, fears and insecurities melted away in the face of catching up with old friends and making new ones. I became the classic Minx, happy, bouncy and ready to have some fun.

I don’t want to be all cheesy and tell you not to be afraid of going to a conference alone. It still sucks to do that, and it’s still hard to try to connect with people in a weekend setting when you’re flying solo. You’ll still get turned down or blown off for scenes; I know I did and was. But my experience ended up being so deliciously positive that I want to share that joy, just in case it might inspire bravery the next time you fly solo at an event.

Stuff I Learned at ShibariCon 2010

  • I do belong here. The only one thinking otherwise was me.
  • When I am my own best self, wonderful things happen. And when I feel at home and welcomed, I am my own best self. Self-doubt is what kills the confidence, and without confidence, nothing is fun.
  • Scheduling at a con is hard/tricky. Cut yourself and your play partners some slack.
  • Don’t take it personally. Instead, find a way to take care of yourself that involves sharing your pain (and joy) with others.
  • Hide your crazy. But let little bits show in fits of controlled vulnerability. A controlled burn, if you will. :-)
  • Never compare yourself to others in any way. Instead, focus on what is making today awesome for you. If you close your eyes and feel a lack of awesome, put your finger on why, and then go ask for that.
  • Geek negotiation tip: if you’re unsure of where to start but you know you want to play, instead of asking a person for a scene or play, ask trusted friends whom they would recommend for play who might be free tonight.
  • Give your cell phone # to hot guys/girls so they can text you. (Outside the con space, of course)
  • Love yourself. Love your kink. Be fascinated by others’ kink.

All of this has me thinking about teaching a ShibariCon for Newbies/Solos class next year, with specific activities designed to help people check their emotional baggage at the door and have the confidence to have fun. Wouldn’t that be a GREAT way to start a con?

Poly Weekly #205: Catching up with Minx

This week’s Poly Weekly #205: Catching up with Minx.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Chat: Catching up with Minx

Interview: ShibariCon newbies
ShibariCon

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #156 Practical Polyamory with Tacit

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:34 Introduction of our guest!
Tacit Franklin Veaux from http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html is working on a book proposal for a practical guide on dealing with poly. Minx sits down with him in Atlanta to talk about his new project.

2:00 Interviewing Tacit
Minx and Tacit are outside enjoying the fresh air of Atlanta. It took Tacit about 15 minutes to get the request for a proposal!

3:14 Tacit puts the request out for people to contact him with their great stories. He would love to hear from people who are really succesful or who have made mistakes and worked through them. You can mail him at tacitr@aol.com (Yeah, I know. I was thinking the same thing. AOL? Really? – FS)

4:20 Some interesting topics in Tacit’s book we might not have seen in other books. He plans on having a practical how-to guide outside of the other subcultures (e.g. paganism, bdsm). Also, poly/mono relationships and poly relationships that aren’t based on a core “couple.”

8:20 (Man, is it loud out there! :) – FS)

8:45 What happens if our partner compares us to the other people? How do we not let that bother us?

10:15 Great story about Minx’s sex life. Pretty hot!

12:37 NRE shouldn’t totally make your brains dribble out your ears!

14:00 How does trust and faith play into this? To Tacit, faith implies a lack of evidence.

16:20 Minx attempts to drag teasers out of Tacit. He mentions a chapter on common Poly mistakes

17:00 Tacit outed himself to his hairdresser who thought poly was ok because “all men cheat anyway!” He delicately let the conversation drop.

18:25 Media liked to present poly like what the hairdresser thought. Fortunately, that is changing.

19:30 Minx puts a call out to the Religious Right to persecute her! and um, something about having sex with goats….

20:08 It would appear Tacit gets around… Thanks for the interview Tacit! You can hear Tacit again on episode #116.

22:38 Another thanks to Tacit. A very tired Minx is getting ready for Shibaricon where she won’t be too “tied up” (Get it! Tied up! HAHA! erm, anyway – FS) to do some interviews while there.

SPECIAL THANKS to Raymond for putting together this week’s show notes! (That’s me btw – FS)

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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