PW 335: The Taormino kink advice line

Tristan Taormino answers your questions about kink in a poly context

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1:00 News and host chat

  • CatalystCon was amazing! The highlight reel:
    • Taking Sex Ed to the Streets panel with Carol Queen, Jessica Drake from Wicked, Sex Nerd Sandra
    • Sex and the Media panel with Charlie Glickman, Lynn Comella
    • Making Orgasm a Political Statement with AASECT-certified sexuality educator Megan Andelloux
    • Bawdy storytelling, dirty bingo, pool hangout with some cool poly peeps–thanks for coming out!
    • We gave away 10 shirts! Will have more to order online soon.
  • Which cons do you attend and want to see a PW session at? Let us know on the Poly Weekly Facebook page

15:25 Sex for your earbuds

Life on the Swingset podcast

17:00 Tristan Taormino answers your kink and poly questions

Tristan Taormino, award winning author, columnist, editor, filmmaker, sex educator and author of the new book, the Ultimate Guide to Kink, answers listener questions!

  • Ian asks: please explain the multi-partner dynamic as it exists in the kink world, and how it is different (or similar) to the poly. (There are many polys who are not kinky, many kinky who are not poly, and many many monogamous people who are kinky and have issues participating in the kink community.)
  • Emma asks: I’ve been asked to do scenes with people who are “sexually monogamous” with their partners. Lots of conversation about what activities count as sex ensues, but I’m still nervous to play with monogamous people. What if something is improvised in the moment and crosses that line? What if something feels sexual to me but not to them?
  • Herb asks: Have you actually seen or heard of a fetish that surprised you?
  • James asks: What if someone wants to try something scary (breath play) but is worried about past sexual abuse issues it could bring up?

More questions for Tristan? Ask them on her weekly live radio show, Sex Out Loud, Fridays at 5:00 PM Pacific on VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network.

37:40 Happy Poly Moment

Cysteine shares a happy poly moment.

Thanks

Thanks to Carina and Jason for their donations!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


PW 334: The Ultimate Guide to Kink

Tristan Taormino tells all about kink in her new book

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1:00 News and host chat

  • I’ll be giving Content Creation for the Online Activist at CatalystCon September 14-16 in Long Beach

3:30 Tristan Taormino on the Ultimate Guide to Kink

Tristan Taormino, award winning author, columnist, editor, filmmaker, sex educator and editor, shares her insights on her new book, the Ultimate Guide to Kink. Tristan shares why she decided to write the book, why she decided to use an anthology format, and who should read the book.

Also, the book is split into two parts: skills/techniques and fantasies/fetishes—Tristan shares why and what you can expect in each section.

Where can you buy the Ultimate Guide? Your local sex-positive store such as Smitten Kitten or Babeland.

33:30 Feedback

  • David took issue with Grammar Girl’s explanations of “jealousy” versus “envy”. That full podcast episode is here: Jealousy vs Envy

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


Polyamory 201 with Tristan Taormino

Went to a fantastic session last night with my awesome friend Yvonne. Babeland in Seattle was hosting the ever-articulate Tristan Taormino and her Poly 201 session on poly relationships and what makes or breaks them. My notes from the session:

  • Key to dealing with NRE: patience, compassion, communication.
  • Key to dealing with poly time management: organization, Google calendar, negotiation skills.
  • It’s not just “you’ve got Tuesday nights;” time carries with it a tremendous emotional charge.
  • Key to dealing with poly micommunication: honesty, self-awareness, and (surprise, surprise) COMMUNICATION.
  • Disclose, disclose, disclose! You might not think it’s a big deal that your new girlfriend is a stripper, but your husband might.
  • Keys to addressing poly agreement violation: make explicit agreement with a checklist. Make a “gray area” rule.
  • Jealousy as a behavior is modeled and rewarded in our society. Too many pop culture songs, movies and TV shows make reference to someone “really” loving a partner if he/she gets jealous.
  • So let’s unpack jealousy: envy, posessiveness, competitiveness, feeling excluded, insecurity.
  • Re jealousy: when you think “someone is smarter than me,” you really mean “I am not smart enough”
  • Solution to jealousy: face your fear. Take it out to dinner. See it for what it is.
  • Harness NRE for good and not evil, knowing it will come back to your existing relationship. When your partner comes home all hopped up on endorphins, jump him!–Selfish person’s guide to NRE

New York Poly Pride: Day 3

A little belated posting: Sunday in New York

Drug myself outta bed for brunch with Nikol Hasler and J. Apparently, I passed Parker Posey on the way and didn’t notice. Does that count as a celebrity un-sighting?

Fantastic brunch with the funniest girl alive. Got to hear the tale of the transplant to NYC and all the fabulous opportunities the Midwest Teen Sex Show has these days. Personally, I can’t wait to see the movie! Listen up, Hollywood: we want the MTSS movie NOW! She and J spent the brunch singing songs to each other and generally being wildly entertaining. I heart my friends.

Then, it was off to the book reading and signing at Blue Stockings:
Blue Stockings

Jenny Block reading from Open; Tristan Taormino reading from Opening Up; Barbara Foster reading from her history of the threesome; Serena Anderlini d’Onofrio reading from Eros. The place was PACKED!


Jenny Block reading from Open


Tristan Taormino

And guess who came? The bestest, cutest eroticist in New York, Rachel Kramer Bussel! Got a quick hug from her before heading off to the first ever National Poly Leadership Summit, then straight to the airport to go home.


Rachel Kramer Bussel

Special thanks to for picking me up from the Blue Line stop and saving me the last 45 minute bus ride home. You are full of awesome. (And we need to get naked soon, dear.)

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Poly Weekly #167: Real people open up

Poly Weekly #167: Real people open up

Download this episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

(This episode was a bit difficult to timecode.  People didn’t keep repeating their names so I wasn’t able to always tell who was who.  I did what I can.  -FS)

4:20 This weeks subject for the online book review.  “The Myth Of MOnogamy”

6:15 Minx starts by asking everybody if they have read the book.  Tom and Eros both participated in the discussion.

6:43 Minx asks, what things really grabbed them.  Eros commented on how specific the conversation needs to be on sex and love.

8:00 Minx points out that her and a previous partner had different ideas of what “sex” and “scening” was.  Communication would have brought this out.

9:10 Tom agrees and talks about his relationship and how his partner and him come from different backgrounds.

10:30 Tom and Minx discuss different meanings of “sex.”

12:10 Tom points out that he is mainly mono in his relationship from laziness!

12:48 Greg has also joined us from text.

13:00 Minx asks if any other revelations from the book.  Eros talks about the meaning of “polyamory”

14:50 (I think this is Tom) brings up when your partner ends up with somebody you don’t think they should be with.

16:30 Minx asks Tom how the book helped him in that scenario.

18:00 The discussion moves to dealing with your partners when they start to make mistakes and how to deal with them.

19:20 Minx quotes from the section of the book on the kind of people to look for and talks about it.

20:07 Eros thinks you have a responsbility to say something to your partner if they are making a mistake but don’t badger them.  He brings up an example in his own life.

22:00 (I am not sure who this is, Tom I think) talks about the unique experience of being poly where you might have to help your partner with comfort on the loss o a lover.

23:40 (I think Tom’s) wife loved the book.

24:20 Minx comments the section on sexual health and safer sex practices and how much she likes it.

27:00 it’s hot in chicago! :)

27:00 Minx brings up the chapter on common challenges and problems.  Eros references back to the interview with Tacit to talk about NRE (New RElationship Energy).

29:00 Minx talks about her opinion on NRE using some excerpts from the book.

31:09 Eros asks if there is a way to tell when the NRE falls off.

32:10 Minx brings up other common problems from this chapter and asks for opinions.

33:10 Eros brings up time management and the group disucsses this topic.

36:50 (Eros I think) brings up three different definitions of love from the book and Minx adds to this discussion.

39:35 Eros felt the book made sense to him.

40:18 Eros is working through fluid bonding issues which starts a discussion.

Thanks to Tom and Eros for working on the announcing themselves.

Announcements

  • CPR for kinky people, Saturday, September 13, 2008, 10 am-6pm, Leather Archives & Museum, $90; Contact Descara: vdescara@yahoo.com
  • Meet and Greet, October 4th, Maryborough, Queensland, Australia

Online Book Discussion: Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up
Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

PW Online Book Club: Sunday, July 20th, 6:00 Central


Powered by TalkShoe

Since Saturday’s SkypeCast attempt was full of epic fail–I got booted off at least six times, and everyone else who tried to log in got booted off as well, save one lone woman in Austria–let’s try this again, with TalkShoe. Turns out Skypecasts are no longer Mac compatible. Huh!

And Tristan’s book is so wonderful that it still needs to be discussed, so let’s try this again, shall we? With a more reliable service this time?

Sunday, July 20th, 6:00-7:00 p.m. Central
Click here for call info
Dial in to (724) 444-7444 from any phone

Poly Weekly Skypecast TOMORROW, Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 Central

Come log on to the Skypecast tomorrow to discuss Tristan Taormino’s new book, Opening Up!

When: Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 p.m. Central
Where: anywhere
How: Click this link and sign on to Skype
What: anything you’d like to say about Opening Up

The discussion will be recorded, so please be aware that participating means your voice will be posted online. Thanks for your participation; I can’t wait to talk about this will y’all!

Poly Weekly Book Club

It’s that time again!

Poly Weekly Book Club meets tomorrow, Wednesday, July 2nd! We’re discussing Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up, but please come on out even if you haven’t read the book; the discussion will undoubtedly be lively!

Where: The Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted, 2nd floor on the white couches
When: Wednesday, July 2nds, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Who: anyone interested in poly who wants to discuss this great new book!

Can’t make it? Join our online discussion on Saturday, July 12th at 3:30 p.m. Central. You’ll need Skype (available for free), then just click the link at that time!

Poly Weekly book club meets WEDNESDAY, JULY 2ND

Hi, guys!

It’s that time again! This month, we’re eagerly reading (what else) Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up. I’ve already started it, and I can’t wait to discuss it with y’all! Of course, if you just want to talk polyamory or meet poly folks, reading the book isn’t required–just come out and say hello!

When: WEDNESDAY, JULY 2ND
Where: The Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted, Chicago, 2nd floor by the white couches
Why: because poly can be confusing and sharing opinions is fun (plus, the Mad Baker brings GREAT snacks!)
Who: anyone interested in meeting poly folks

If you’re interested in coming, please RSVP to Minx (cunningminx at gmail dot com) with the subject line “Book Club” so I’ll know to look for you. We’ve had some people not able to find us in the past, so we’re trying to make sure that doesn’t happen again!

Also, if you’re interested in discussing the book but aren’t local to Chicago, mark your calendar for Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 p.m. Central. for a Skype online book discussion.

From Tristan’s book tour

What a great pleasure to spend the better part of Friday with the lovely and whipsmart Tristan Taormino and Colten. (I want my own Colten–can I have one? Please, please, please?) Full photo set is posted to my Flickr, but a few choice shots here:

Lunch after the interview:
Tristan and Minx

The reading at Women and Children First:
Tristan reading from Opening Up

The crowd at Women and Children First:
Tristan reading from Opening Up

For more info and to discuss the book, visit her blog and forums at www.openingup.net

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