PW 332: The reality behind Showtime’s polyamory

An interview with Anthony and Vanessa on the reality process behind Showtime’s Polyamory: Married and Dating

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1:00 News and host chat

  • I’ll be giving Content Creation for the Online Activist at CatalystCon September 14-16 in Long Beach

3:00 Interview: Anthony and Vanessa from Polyamory: Married and Dating

  • Anthony Christofani

    How long have you identified as poly and how did you come into it?

    • Anthony was always poly before he knew the word; Vanessa came to it from cheating.
  • Why did you decide to put your personal and sex lives on TV?
    • No one else raised their hands!
  • Did you have messaging goals going in and if so, are they being met?
    • Starting the conversation about an alternative to monogamy and the possibility of a functional, intimate relationship with more than one person
    • Coming across as happy and healthy
  • What was not included?
    • The rest of our lives: they cut out pretty much everything but the relationship (jobs, school, political activism, family issues)
  • What’s with all the sex scenes?
    • Vanessa posits that the sex shown is loving group sex, which is new
  • How do you respond to the community criticism regarding the lack of diversity in casting?

    Vanessa Carlisle

    • The show is limited to the few people willing to put their lives on TV, and there were attempts to show diversity, but none of those people agreed to be on the show
  • How much of the show is staged?
    • Yes and no to the staging question. They are not told to say anything in particular, but filming is scheduling in advance.
  • What do you want the polys and monogamous folks of the world to know?
    • Monogamous: thanks for the open-mindedness
    • Poly: thanks for the support and remember that we only represent ourselves; this is just the first foray

35:00 Feedback: how do I convey jealousy to my partner without him off?

A writes in to ask for advice. Her new partner was previously monogamous, and when A has occasional bouts of jealousy and insecurity, the new partner will just end the new relationship to make it easier on A. “How can I go about asking for the care I need without scaring him off?”

  • Edward: tell him you’re feeling jealous and explain it’s not a call to action
  • Ken: communicate the feeling of insecurity and ask him to help you understand it
  • Sarah: just say how you feel and reassure your partner that they don’t need to act
  • Scott: African masks and a voodoo ritual (to scare your partner off)?
  • Becky: admit feelings to yourself first and admit they aren’t rational; say “I don’t need you to change what you’re doing, but I just wanted you to know what is going on”
  • Dave: preface with “I feel kinda dumb bringing this up, but…” and share your feelings
  • Gigi: preface with “I realize this is really more about me and not about the situation… “ and share your feelings
  • Andrew: be responsible for your feelings and express them so that it’s clear to your partner that you know you are responsible
  • Lindsay: communicate root of your jealousy clearly and own your feelings

42:00 Thanks

Thanks to Joan for the donation this week!

43:00 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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