Poly Weekly #186: It would be easier if…

This week Poly Weekly #186:It would be easier if….

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:38 Open Chat
Minx talks about her past year and the events that have affected her.

9:08 Poly in the blogs
Minx talks about Stever Robbins and his comments about being in a poly relationships Here is a link.

Steve Pavlina, another productivity blogger, came out as polyamory in his blog. Here is a link.

14:00 Today’s topic, “no resolutions”it would be easier if…”"
Minx talks about how the things we think might make life easier doesn’t always help us the way we hope. We need to decide to be happy, not wait for external circumstances to align before we are happy.

22:25 Listener Feedback: Episode 183
Anita Wagner wrote in and talked about her agreements and disagreements with Minx’s list. Minx agrees to read more Laurel K Hamilton books.

Caroline recommended Sing The Four Quarters by Tanya Huff, and The Door Into Fire series by Diane Duane.

Jason wrote in and talked about “Friday” his favorite Heinlein book. (When people talk about Heinlein they never mention Starship Troopers :( -fs)

27:30 Audio Comments
A listener called in to ask for a show topic around dealing with kinky or alternative when you are younger.

James called in to wish us a happy new year!
YoYo called in with a happy new year as well!

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Can NRE be Zen?

At first glance, I really liked this post about the Zen of attraction. As I read the ten principles to the Zen of attraction, I thought, “Wow! This would be a great way to decrease drama in my life! If I could only do this, then my relationships would be so much easier!”

I still think it bears reading and a good “hmmmm.” But as I thought about it, especially in consideration of Helen Fisher’s Why We Love, which explains the chemistry actually going on in your brain when you are attracted to someone, I don’t think that a Zen approach to NRE (New Relationship Energy, for those not lucky enough to have experienced it recently) is all that realistic. Thing is, when we are experiencing attraction, our brain chemistry is different. New lovers experience high levels of chemicals that allow them to do things like stay up all night, pass sleepless nights thinking of one another and talk incessantly. I’m not saying that that type of chemistry can’t be fought or controlled, but my question is: is it very Zen to do so? We only get NRE for a short while, and then our brain stabilizes (thank goodness; how many nights can you really stay awake mooning over a new lover?) and returns to a more sustainable level of intimacy. Being Zen about a new attraction–promising, offering, needing nothing–doesn’t really seem to respect the chemistry of the brain.

Now, I’m not saying that we should just all go hog-wild and give in to the glorious thrill that is NRE. I’ve seen many a relationship destroyed by a partner who got too embroiled in NRE and neglected his other partners or her other obligations in life. And I actually think it’s a good idea not to make promises or raise expectations too high and just accept and enjoy the moment, whatever that may be. Perhaps I’m suggesting a balance between complete Zen calm and the silly unreasonableness of NRE. What do you think?

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